9
May
2011
The Terribles
My son at Two = Dark side of the Cookie Monster
I guess I gathered that at some stage around the age of two years toddlers could get a bit difficult, given the existence of the ‘Terrible Twos’ phrase, but on the scant occasions I contemplated that there might be worse to come, I thought, “how much more difficult could it really be than the first 18 months?” Well. JAAAAYSUS Christ. Terrible was a diplomatic choice of adjective. My son is nudging two and, BAM, no sooner were we beginning to contemplate the impending loss of his free flying status than he goes from being a fairly frequent pain in the arse to being a constantly screaming, tantrum-throwing, shouty, crying bi-polar maniac.
Maybe what we’re experiencing is not The Terrible Twos but some ‘acting out’ (are we still using that phrase?) in response to the arrival of his new sister. It doesn’t really matter, it all falls nicely into the category of Terrible.
19
Dec
2010
Getting even more traditional – could yum cha be the key?
possibly my favourite tradition. I know, I'm shallow like that.
I saw this great post the other day on a website. It was all about the traditions this mother is starting with her family. Some of them were a bit ummm full on (compulsory family hikes are not really going to cut it in our family) but some of them got me thinking about what we’re doing in our house. I’ve covered some of these in earlier posts but for those of you who don’t immediately memorise and take notes (what is WRONG with you people? Don’t you know this stuff is gold?), here are some ideas we are planning on taking up in our little family. (OK, not so little our family as we currently stand at four and are soon to be five but DON’T REMIND ME, I HAVE THE FEAR.)
- Sunday family roasts – as per last week’s post, I am loving this new tradition. Granted, following the first week’s massive success, we can only go backwards from there (witness tonight’s event where daughter refused to eat anything but individual peas. One at a time. Very slowly. Until you wanted to throw each and every pea at the wall), but I am still loving it. Perhaps in warmer times it will become Sunday barbeque night. I love any excuse to break out the tomato sauce.
12
Dec
2010
New family tradition and a shameful confession
I have a shameful confession to make. Although I am boastful and annoyingly proud of my children’s eating regime, we *whispers* never eat as a family. I KNOW. HORRIFYING. I bang on and on about their table manners, I make them eat copious amounts of vegies, I supervise their eating at their little table, I am smug about their love of plain yoghurt.
But it’s not at the big table. It’s not with me and the Captain eating beside them (well, except for obvious shameful stealing of anything that looks good and doesn’t involve broccoli).
It suddenly struck me when we were discussing Christmas lunch – this will be the first year that son will be allowed to sit at the table with us all rather than banished to naptime in his cot – we never ever eat together as a family. Well, except for yum cha/dim sum, where getting food in as fast as you can, drinking juith with a bendy straw and spilling food at the table, is all positively encouraged. Not something I think aunt and uncle will appreciate at carefully laid Christmas feast table.
9
Dec
2010
ENTERTAINMENT UNDER HOUSE CONFINEMENT
photo credit: insidious_plots
Things that child does to entertain himself when he has bronchitis and it’s 5 degrees outside, making you both completely housebound:
Empty all the cupboards parents have deemed “safe” and therefore are in toddlers’ reach: Tupperware, pots (child will bang lid on floor once extracted from drawer or cupboard), sieve, grater (parent forced to cross room in single leap in frantic realisation that grater shouldn’t be in reach), blender (good grief, blade is in there – parent will again run across room again and ply from child’s iron clad grasp), Tupperware (take each smaller size from larger size containers in which they have been carefully stacked), kitchen paper (removed from child only after has rolled half out over floor), plastic kitchen wrap (removed from child’s grasp as they run tongue along serrated box edge), all recycling to be strewn across the floor of the entire house, coke cans stored behind the door clearly should not be kept on the floor so load in to front-loading washing machine (follow by closing machine door and pressing buttons).
Empty all books from Bookshelves
3
Dec
2010
iPhone applications for toddlers
iphone applications for toddlers can be a great addition to your arsenal of distractions and pacifiers. However finding good ones amongst the hundreds available isn’t all that easy. Categorised by Apple and review sites in either “Games” or “Education”, applications suitable for toddlers are lumped in with those for thirty-year-old gamers.
Another problem is that the recommendations engine in iTunes falls very short on its purpose. I’m pretty sure the same kid that enjoys ‘Shake The Farm’ is not also losing themselves in the scrabble iphone application, but that’s what Apple tells me via the “customers who bought this also bought..” recommendation engine. Until that rights itself, it’s going to be a challenge to find the best of the new stuff. It’s also one of the reasons my list of recommended iphone applications for toddlers is kind of short. And, honestly, not particularly ground breaking. But it’s all quality. Your kid will love this stuff, and I’m sure it will keep them happy for at least a little while.
21
Nov
2010
Not a good week in the mothering stakes
with any luck, I won't end up in these
We had gastro round here last week. Or more precisely – I had gastro. Everyone else had a touch (clearly a touch was almost death’s door for husband) and got through with a day or so of feeling unwell. I, however, spent the better part of nine days lying prostrate wherever the moment took me – on the sofa, on my bed, on the bedroom floor, on the front step (much to the confusion of both the 90 year old next door neighbour and the Italian parking attendant).
9
Nov
2010
It starts with pirates.
A while ago the lovely Gigi from mumsrock asked me to write a piece for her cool site. Obviously I told her that if she paid me a large fee, gave me the copyright and licensing fees then I might be able to manage something. Or maybe I just said ‘sure, when would you like it?’ I can’t quite remember. Anyway, the piece is up at the mumsrock site now, and here it is below for your reading pleasure…..
I’ve got pirates on my fridge. No, not some weird Johnny Depp type apparition – fridge magnet pirates. I used to have a study. The place where I used to sit and write witty and informative pieces on the state of the world. It now houses a cardboard box car, a wheely ladybird, several sacks of leftover sandpit sand and three hundred and seventy two pieces of puzzle waiting to be sorted. Possibly three hundred and seventy three. I am the Queen of Minimalism. I can’t bear nick-nacks and I’ve only just come around to having my fruit bowl on display. That’s been something of a breakthrough. So it has come as possibly the worst shock of motherhood (just before the horror of ugly nappy bags and the indignity of the electric breast pump) to find out that the main aim of the little buggers blighters is to TAKE OVER YOUR HOUSE.
17
Oct
2010
HERDING CATS. OR HOW TO THROW A KID’S PARTY – PART 3. THE GAMES.
probably not for a 2 year old's party.
OK, this will be my last one on parties I promise. Anyway, I’ve done the planning of the party and the all-important party cake, but I think it is necessary to cover the final essential bits of the party – namely the games. Oh, and I forgot the food – ok, maybe this is the second last.
Firstly, can I highly recommend you find a really dodgy game that involves something slightly humiliating for the compere to do? Say running around a garden holding up signs whilst wearing a train driver’s uniform trying to corral a large number of three year olds in a straight line behind them? And ensure that any husband who might not have been of huge assistance with arranging party becomes the aforementioned compere? Just a suggestion.
In other tips:
1. If they’re under 3, don’t bother, just load ‘em up on cake and watch them run round the garden hopped up on chocolate and juice.
10
Oct
2010
KATE’S GENIUS CHILD-REARING INVENTIONS #3
this is surely the next step
Here is part three of my genius inventions. I have been approached to write a book about them so you’ll have to excuse me while I slip into a red carpet outfit and go outside to pave my front step with gold. It will be a very small book. Maybe a pamphlet. OK, my mate said he’d photocopy them but I am sure gold comes soon after that. Anyway, I give you…..
Toddler Art
You know people say they want to bottle it? I don’t want to bottle it, I want to frame it. I think Son’s temper tantrums belong in a gallery. Specifically, one of those wanky modern art galleries where you’re not sure but you think the man standing by the wall might be part of the art, and you’re pretty sure that’s not an air-conditioning unit but a multi-million dollar ‘piece’. Yes, my Son’s temper tantrums could be art installation in themselves. I shall call yesterday’s installation ‘Boy Screams For An Hour After Being Denied Plain Yoghurt Following Multiple Sticking Fingers in Yoghurt Infractions’. It will reflect man’s inhumanity to man, denying a child his basic human rights and the impact that denial has on the world at large (sore ears, guilt, a few guffaws).
9
Sep
2010
Going Ga-Ga over the kid? Watch Yourself.
From funnyphotos.net.au
The other day our child was doing something TRULY and startlingly talented like waving or clapping or patting his head or something and after several minutes of cooing in delight, laughing, looking around smugly at nearby adults to ensure they were weren’t missing out on JUST HOW cute and awesome my child was, I got one of those from-the-outside-looking-in moments when you see yourself as others see you. And I realised with shock I was being one of those parents I had so often looked at with bemusement and a little bit of pity. One of those parents who THINK their child is being TRULY and startlingly talented but is actually just being, well, a baby and they, meanwhile, are making complete idiots of themselves by displaying sheer, unbridled pleasure in the face of something that is in fact very mundane and everyday, and consequently are demonstrating a complete lack of judgement and self-perception that makes them VERY UNCOOL and, quite frankly, a little bit embarrassing.
God. All that bloody excitement. Over a little bit of clapping.
