11
Nov
2010
My kid being a ratbag? Tell me about it.
Tantrum, toddler style (CC photo credit: imcountingufoz)
The first time the day care worker told me that my son had a “bad character” I was quite irritated and somewhat offended. (Although, admittedly, I did get some joy from the opportunity to gleefully report the event to my husband as an example of classic Spanish diplomacy). A few months later, I find I’m actually relieved to hear that perhaps my child is a bit more challenging than others. It’s kind of a relief to think that the fact everything that’s supposed to be working, or at least seems to be working for other parents, but meanwhile seems to be a very big challenge for me, is actually possibly not entirely because I am doing something wrong.
We’re not even talking about major problems here – just a toddler that can throw a fairly impressive tantrum, has a super impressive cry (the volume and endurance are spectacular) and is unusually determined to do and get what he wants, including exclusive use of his favourite toys at day care. Wilful, one might say. (In fact, the GP told us just this morning that it’s all completely normal for his age but shhhhhh because I was quite enjoying the sympathy).
10
Oct
2010
KATE’S GENIUS CHILD-REARING INVENTIONS #3
this is surely the next step
Here is part three of my genius inventions. I have been approached to write a book about them so you’ll have to excuse me while I slip into a red carpet outfit and go outside to pave my front step with gold. It will be a very small book. Maybe a pamphlet. OK, my mate said he’d photocopy them but I am sure gold comes soon after that. Anyway, I give you…..
Toddler Art
You know people say they want to bottle it? I don’t want to bottle it, I want to frame it. I think Son’s temper tantrums belong in a gallery. Specifically, one of those wanky modern art galleries where you’re not sure but you think the man standing by the wall might be part of the art, and you’re pretty sure that’s not an air-conditioning unit but a multi-million dollar ‘piece’. Yes, my Son’s temper tantrums could be art installation in themselves. I shall call yesterday’s installation ‘Boy Screams For An Hour After Being Denied Plain Yoghurt Following Multiple Sticking Fingers in Yoghurt Infractions’. It will reflect man’s inhumanity to man, denying a child his basic human rights and the impact that denial has on the world at large (sore ears, guilt, a few guffaws).
30
Aug
2010
Kate’s Genius Child-Rearing Inventions #2
I know people were awestruck at the brilliance of last week’s invention, but this week you are TOTALLY going to want to invest in my Genius Child-Rearing Inventions Company. Ltd. So here we go…
DRESSING RACK
Not much like this.
You know when you have a wriggly child? A horrible-painful-won’t-stay-still-for-thirty-seconds small person aged anywhere between 9 months and 4 years? Yes yes, so cute to look at and adorable lisp, but SO annoying to dress. So here is your answer – a wooden rack. Yes, I know what you’re all thinking – child abuse rah rah rah. Two words for you – what. ever. You are going to be SO jealous when you see my little wooden thing where you simply slot the child in the top and they are held immobile with limbs flapping out the sides, ready to slip on shoes, socks, hats and jumpers. For a Genius Inventor I know I am not massively good at explaining how things might work, but if you think about it more like a giant Connect 4 game rather than a torture rack you might get the idea. Except the children won’t have to be flat. Or painted orange and blue. Just normal children, only held in a wooden rack ready to be dressed.
You know you want one.
2
Aug
2010
Why I am an awesome parent – my new parenting philosophy
ideal parenting position
A male friend of mine sent a group email with the MOST fabulous article this week about ‘idle parenting’. It sparked much comment and a whole new language. The opening sentence of the article by my new hero Tom Hodgkinson sums up the whole concept:
Cancel all clubs, ditch the after-school activities and leave those kids alone.
In other brilliant highlights, the article includes gems such as:
a lazy parent is a good parent
A lot can be achieved by lying in bed. Simply by doing nothing, you can train children to do useful things.
My kids are happy because we’re happy.” Do not suffer. Enjoy your life.
I had no idea that I was already subscribing to such a widespread and legitimate* child raising methodology. But I am loving it.
23
Jul
2010
Bugger off kid
Kids getting along swimmingly
Sometimes you really just want to tell a kid to Bugger Off. Unfortunately, while it can be effective in the short term, the short victory normally turns sour. It usually ends with an accusing, pointing, sticky little finger and the words, “Mummy that lady told me to Bugger Off”. Dobber. You can look searchingly behind you as much as you like, a kids extended pointer finger is a frighteningly accurate instrument for identifying the object of their accusations.
What are your alternatives when a kid is behaving like a rat bag and their parents are absent or unwilling to discipline their child? I’ve heard horrific stories of parents witnessing their child being hit or pushed while the well-aware parent of the offender sits idly by, and I am sure there are many outrageous stories with which I hope you’ll regale us in the comments section, but actually we face smaller, less serious incidences all the time that can be pretty frustrating.
20
Jul
2010
The big child raising issues. Or how to annoy your husband in the middle of the night.
Do you worry about your children much? I mean clearly, crossing the road, not jumping into the pool or licking other people’s dogs – the things we all worry about. But I am talking about the really big issues. Those that keep us awake at night.
Sometimes I think I am doing aok – I have a nice little pigeon pair (what on EARTH does that mean by the way? And as an aside, I got a lot of congratulations on the birth of daughter. To which I of course blushed and looked suitably proud and modest. Like I had ANYTHING to do with it. Except of course my secret girl making potion sprinkled liberally on husband while sleeping.) . Anyway, a nice little pair who are occasionally well behaved and haven’t set fire to anything in months.
28
Jun
2010
The morning routine
This week, on about the fourth day of the week, as The Spaniard left for work and I swore about something Monkey had done, I saw a distinct look on his face that said, “Good grief, I’m married to this woman”.
To be fair, punching the wall in response to Monkey wheeling in to my achilles heel with his baby walker was an overreaction. But it wasn’t really about the minor injury. It was about the tipping point of stress and frustration reached before hand – that brought on by THE MORNING ROUTINE.
We start with a bottle. It goes spectacularly well, if I may say so. I give him the bottle, he drinks it. It’s poetry. Sure, he appears to have no interest in ever holding the bottle himself or learning to drink from a cup, but I’m not overly ambitious on that front.
I give him a few minutes for the milk to settle while I try and finish getting dressed. This is when he starts tearing down everything from every shelf, table, bench top or other reachable point in the house. If I get particularly tired of removing USB chords from his mouth I put him in his baby walker. This is when he starts to ram it into my achilles heel or roll it over my toes more or less continuously in an effort to be close to me. Bless.
13
Jun
2010
Living with a Two Year Old Teenager
not mine, but so could be.
So I have this gorgeous little boy. He’s just turned two, couldn’t be more cheery, gregarious, smiles at everyone. Talks a lot, constantly laughing. Oh wait – that’s who I used to live with. Now I live with a TWO YEAR OLD TEENAGER. That’s right – on his second birthday he woke up and decided to skip a decade or so and move straight into being troublesome teenage boy. You don’t believe it is possible? I lived with my teenage brother, I remember the signs. Witness:
- Refusal to get out of bed. Lies in bed grunting at me and needs much coaxing and persuasion to join the rest of us. Paradoxically, a lot of unhappiness about going to bed – clearly a night owl. I am a horrible mother who refuses to indulge this. Although with a few more months I may give in – he can join me for a glass of wine and some Grey’s Anatomy on the couch.
- Sweats a lot. Not yet experiencing acne caused by excessive greasiness, but am anticipating getting him onto the Clearasil fairly soon now.
17
May
2010
Gina Ford – the case FOR.
Do not set one of those up in your back garden to burn books. This would be weird.
Oh my god, my pulse is racing, my heart is beating faster and I can hear Jacqui yelling from Madrid. It’s that time. Time for the post I have been thinking about since we started the blog. The Dame Gina Ford post.
If you’ve had a child in the past ten odd years in the UK or Australia, you’d have to be a bit lacking in eyes and/or ears to have missed one of her books on the parenting bookshelves, seen referenece to her methods on the internet or heard mention of her routines from other parents. The most popular book is The Very Contented Baby, but there are various follow-ups including The Contented Baby with Toddler.
At the outset, I need to divulge something that might already be obvious – I love Gina. There, I’ve said it. It’s out there. Let the stabbings commence and the bags full of poo start arriving on our doorstep, but it is true – her methods have worked like an incredible charm for our family and Gina (or The Big G (TBG) as we prefer to call her) rules the child routine roost around at our pad.
5
Apr
2010
Mere Male: celebrating the stay-at-home dad. Or mum really.
So we let a man into the blog in a defenceless moment….
A few weeks ago at one of our post work pub gatherings, a group of male friends and I were discussing whether we would prefer to work or be stay at home fathers. The universal view was that whilst work sometimes may just be a means to an end rather than a passion, is often stressful and demanding and is invariably fraught with politics, it was still infinitely preferable to being at home with children. I often greet my wife with a variation on the “I’d love to give up working and go to coffee mornings and play dates all week” theme (note to any fathers reading this, try this line at home, they love it despite what the reaction might suggest) but I’d bet serious money, if I had any, that if I did take my wife up on her offer to switch roles, within the week she’d come home to find someone thumb in mouth, gently rocking themselves and calling for their mummy, just not one of her children.
Why is this? A few observations:
