25
Aug
2010
At what point will people laugh at me in the streets? The wearing of leather trousers.
baaaaaaaaaa
So I had a long post written this evening all about the hell of school holidays. (I may still post it, it’s mildly diverting awesome, so look out for it. Witty and insightful.) Then I was going to write about the political stalemate in Australia. (Not really, although obviously I have been contacted a lot with my political pundit background). But then I decided that I need to be true to myself. What do they always say – write about what you know? So I’m writing about a big issue that has been plaguing me all week. Leather trousers. I know – you thought we were covering the big issues before, what with soccer kisses and Ikea, but we have got even MORE highbrow.
Specifically, can a mother in her mid-30s (at what point do your mid thirties become your late thirties? I think 39 personally) get away with leather trousers? Even more specifically:
- In what area of her life will she be wearing them? Will she ever actually put them on or will they be assigned to what her husband refers to as the ‘aspirational’ section of her wardrobe? Alongside the summer garden party frocks (I live in England), the white trousers (I have children) and the 6 inch velvet heels (although how good would these look with the leather trousers? VERY good, that’s how good.)
17
Aug
2010
Herding cats. Or how to throw a kid’s party – part 1
Not appropriate for a three year old. And frankly, a little bit disturbing at any age?
I have been planning my son’s 3rd birthday party basically since his 2nd birthday. I know – what a nerd. But that won’t be news to anyone who knows me – I do love a drink good shindig. And as I have the most amazing memories of parties thrown by my mum, I guess I’m just trying to make sure my children have the same sort of memories. Of course, emulating my mother’s parties is a slippery slope. It’s only a hop step and a jump from similar parties to bridge games four times a week and antique shopping. Before we know it I’ll be posting about ten ways to improve your family tree (sorry Mum – I really am dying to see the results of the three thousand years of research you’ve done.)
Where was I? Oh yes – parties. Seriously, how can you not like kid’s parties? The mess, the screams, the tears – there’s something for everyone. Personally, I’m in it for the cake and the champagne. And the fairy bread – which I have discovered today is an Australian thing. Who knew? And if you are unaware of the JOYS of fairy bread – see here. In the meantime, here are my top tips:
10
Aug
2010
World’s Worst Mother Award – or how to counter your smugness in a couple of easy steps
So you know when you are feeling really smug about something that things can take a turn for the worse?
This could well be me accepting the award
Like when you move out of your first house in London that you hate into one that you absolutely adore, and then regularly drive down your old street just to lean out the window and say ‘’aaaarrrrgggh, suffer’ to the old house? And then get a call from your landlady at awesome new house saying she wants awesome house back for herself and you have one month to vacate? And you end up living with your parents-in-law?
Or like when you feel really clever about getting up to date with all your personal admin and then realise you have forgotten to renew your visa meaning a last minute dash to Wales on the day it is due to expire, and costing an additional £830 for a priority in-person appointment? And 24 hours before said priority appointment, manage to lose your passport while organising papers for said visa? Meaning an emergency emergency appointment at Australian High Commission to replace said passport, only to discover (day before emergency trip to Wales) that some amazing soul has handed it in at the High Commission but in the process of preparing documents, photos plus emergency drive-as-fast-as-you-can taxi rides, adding another 100 quid to the cost of said visa process?
2
Aug
2010
Why I am an awesome parent – my new parenting philosophy
ideal parenting position
A male friend of mine sent a group email with the MOST fabulous article this week about ‘idle parenting’. It sparked much comment and a whole new language. The opening sentence of the article by my new hero Tom Hodgkinson sums up the whole concept:
Cancel all clubs, ditch the after-school activities and leave those kids alone.
In other brilliant highlights, the article includes gems such as:
a lazy parent is a good parent
A lot can be achieved by lying in bed. Simply by doing nothing, you can train children to do useful things.
My kids are happy because we’re happy.” Do not suffer. Enjoy your life.
I had no idea that I was already subscribing to such a widespread and legitimate* child raising methodology. But I am loving it.
27
Jul
2010
Travelling with kids – part two, into the inferno.
So I think it would be fair to say that we have covered airplane travel relatively comprehensively (if by comprehensive you mean in a kind of crappy yet witty and insightful way here , here and here) but there is always the other bit – when you actually get there. Oh yes, the holiday itself. I’ve just been on one and although I know most things in the world, as I’ve mentioned before, a far cleverer friend than me says that every time you travel you learn a new thing about travelling with your children. I think she might be right. Plus, she’s a lot taller than me, and currently about 11 months pregnant, so I usually agree with most things she says, lest she clout me over the ear. Anyway – some tips….
- Most importantly – do it. Travel. Get out there. Most places can be done with kids. Unless it’s a twenty two star adults only resort. Don’t take kids there – unless you plan to hide them in your room the whole time. But that might be a bit boring. Even if they do like DVDs.
5
Jul
2010
The post about what to give when you’re not giving flowers
For the love of god, NO.
There are only so many flowers a person needs. Honestly. And this goes for sick people, as well as new mothers. Firstly, who has fourteen vases in the right shape and colour for fourteen different bunches? Secondly, who has fourteen mantelpieces to put them on? And thirdly, umm, who needs that many flowers? But who has the time to think of clever and thoughtful yet awesome value presents for people these days? What with full on jobs or full on children or full on both, you need some help. And they don’t call me Helpful Harriet for nothing. Actually, no one calls me Helpful Harriet but I am hoping if I use it enough, it will catch on. So here are some suggestions. Some of them might also be useful for someone who is coping with an illness, a bereavement, a break-up or a general rough time. You are welcome.
The gift of time
17
May
2010
Gina Ford – the case FOR.
Do not set one of those up in your back garden to burn books. This would be weird.
Oh my god, my pulse is racing, my heart is beating faster and I can hear Jacqui yelling from Madrid. It’s that time. Time for the post I have been thinking about since we started the blog. The Dame Gina Ford post.
If you’ve had a child in the past ten odd years in the UK or Australia, you’d have to be a bit lacking in eyes and/or ears to have missed one of her books on the parenting bookshelves, seen referenece to her methods on the internet or heard mention of her routines from other parents. The most popular book is The Very Contented Baby, but there are various follow-ups including The Contented Baby with Toddler.
At the outset, I need to divulge something that might already be obvious – I love Gina. There, I’ve said it. It’s out there. Let the stabbings commence and the bags full of poo start arriving on our doorstep, but it is true – her methods have worked like an incredible charm for our family and Gina (or The Big G (TBG) as we prefer to call her) rules the child routine roost around at our pad.
9
May
2010
The Land of Limbo – expats and why I am not a spoilt brat. Most of the time.
This is one from the wedding snaps. Not really.
There is a feeling familiar to many expats – well, at least those who have not committed to being an ex-expat, i.e., committing to living in the one country forever, they are usually happy with their choice (and keen to tell you about it, may I mention in a totally non-snipey way). For the rest of us? It’s often the land of limbo baby.
The most common discussion amongst expats, almost from the moment you get off the plane in your adopted country is – ‘How long are you here for?’ ‘How long do you think you’ll stay?’ ‘When do you think you’ll head home?’ ‘Do you think you’ll be here for good?’ And many other equally same-same-but-different-questions.
These questions come from many places – from other expats eager to know if you are staying to keep them company (hello London friends); other locals keen to see you leave (hello everyone who wants a place in my nursery); family who would like their grandchildren to stay put forever (hello mother-in-law); family who would like their grandchildren returned to them (hello mother); friends who want you to come to their weddings (hello increasingly impatient friends on all sides of the world); and people who may or may not want to employ you based on your answer (umm, hello all future employers. This whole post is actually made up.)
3
May
2010
By popular demand – THE BABY LIST. Essentials and almost essentials to buy.
This is like a picture of me at the dentist. I know - bad hair day.
Ages ago I wrote a post about baby things I had bought that I had wasted money on. I made a rash promise to post my spreadsheet of things that you SHOULD buy. Four months later I am coming good with my promise. I know. I’m reliable like that. You should hear my promises to my dentist – they are nothing short of inspiring and involve trips to hygienists, dental floss and 45 degree brushing angles.
Anyway, I digress. I know that interesting dentistry anecdotes is a post in itself but baby stuff I promised and baby stuff you shall have. There are many many things to buy when you are having a baby. And many many shops and online stores from which to buy these essentials. I say essentials. In actual fact, apart from a cot, a pram and some clothes, you’d be hard pressed to say anything was truly essential. But we are what we are. Well, actually, I am what I am. You may well be a far more worthy and green type person who buys the minimum, recycles stuff, freecycles it back into the community and is generally a better, kinder and more annoying person than me. If you are, can I suggest you stop reading? I think you will not enjoy my list of essentials.
26
Apr
2010
Things that make me vomit. And other fun stories about toddlers.
Many may be needed.
The day I hoped would never come is here. Or rather I hoped it would come, but I hoped someone else would have to deal with it. But no, no other mother has popped out of the woodwork offering to take over my role for a few months. So…… it is POTTY TRAINING TIME.
I have enjoyed each new stage up until now (apart from the hellish non-feeding phase of the first baby which I have conveniently blocked from all memory). The weaning was fun, the walking, the learning to feed themselves, talking (offensive swearing toddler aside) — all good stuff. But this, this is something I am ill-prepared for. Mentally, physically, emotionally, I am just not a potty-training type of person. I have a number of issues here:
- I am not a massive fan of talking about bodily functions. I cringe when I hear myself saying “can you do wee-wees for Mummy?” and my voice drops four volume levels when I ask my little angel if he needs to do poo-poos. The thought of having to spend the next few weeks (months? years?) talking about this is KILLING me.
