4
Aug
2011
Craft is the only way you will truly feel like a real mother.
It’s finally happened. Today I did craft. I am sorry it has been so long since I have written a post. I am even sorrier that it has taken craft to get me to put pen to paper. Or finger to keyboard. But such is my life right at present that craft has actually done it.
Let me not offend those crafty types amongst us. I have the utmost admiration for crafty people, with their scrapbooks and fabric and natty little sewing machines, whipping up natty little crafty things. But craft is not for me. I don’t have a natty little bone in my body. My handwriting is so bad that I got extra time in my final school exams to rewrite my essays. And if my handwriting is so bad, you can only imagine what my drawing is like. It’s a combination of very little patience, even less of an artistic eye and a solid belief (grounded in reality) that anything I attempt will generally end in a bloody finger, lots of swear words and something that frankly, looks like crap that my three year old could have made. And this is from a child that thinks drawing a black dot on a piece of paper and sticky taping it to his chest means he is wearing a superhero badge.
19
Dec
2010
Getting even more traditional – could yum cha be the key?
possibly my favourite tradition. I know, I'm shallow like that.
I saw this great post the other day on a website. It was all about the traditions this mother is starting with her family. Some of them were a bit ummm full on (compulsory family hikes are not really going to cut it in our family) but some of them got me thinking about what we’re doing in our house. I’ve covered some of these in earlier posts but for those of you who don’t immediately memorise and take notes (what is WRONG with you people? Don’t you know this stuff is gold?), here are some ideas we are planning on taking up in our little family. (OK, not so little our family as we currently stand at four and are soon to be five but DON’T REMIND ME, I HAVE THE FEAR.)
- Sunday family roasts – as per last week’s post, I am loving this new tradition. Granted, following the first week’s massive success, we can only go backwards from there (witness tonight’s event where daughter refused to eat anything but individual peas. One at a time. Very slowly. Until you wanted to throw each and every pea at the wall), but I am still loving it. Perhaps in warmer times it will become Sunday barbeque night. I love any excuse to break out the tomato sauce.
9
Nov
2010
It starts with pirates.
A while ago the lovely Gigi from mumsrock asked me to write a piece for her cool site. Obviously I told her that if she paid me a large fee, gave me the copyright and licensing fees then I might be able to manage something. Or maybe I just said ‘sure, when would you like it?’ I can’t quite remember. Anyway, the piece is up at the mumsrock site now, and here it is below for your reading pleasure…..
I’ve got pirates on my fridge. No, not some weird Johnny Depp type apparition – fridge magnet pirates. I used to have a study. The place where I used to sit and write witty and informative pieces on the state of the world. It now houses a cardboard box car, a wheely ladybird, several sacks of leftover sandpit sand and three hundred and seventy two pieces of puzzle waiting to be sorted. Possibly three hundred and seventy three. I am the Queen of Minimalism. I can’t bear nick-nacks and I’ve only just come around to having my fruit bowl on display. That’s been something of a breakthrough. So it has come as possibly the worst shock of motherhood (just before the horror of ugly nappy bags and the indignity of the electric breast pump) to find out that the main aim of the little buggers blighters is to TAKE OVER YOUR HOUSE.
6
Sep
2010
Feel the fear (of rain) and do it anyway.
Children. Rain. Holidays. Could three words inspire more fear?
my alternative rain lifestyle
I love my children. Most of the time. Well, except when they are being really really really annoying. Or when it is raining and they are inside with me. ALL DAY. Despite the fact that it is September and supposedly not yet winter, we need to remember that this is England and there is a lot of rain. And cold. Even in summer. So they are inside with me. And when I say with me – I mean crawling over me, tugging my legs, putting their sticky little fingers all over my cream couches (I know, but it was before kids ok) and kicking their grubby little feet into my computer screen. I may well be going mental. Just mildly and quite quietly (depending on who you ask) but mental all the same.
31
Aug
2010
Herding cats. Or how to throw a kid’s party – part 2
So – part one was about the basics – planning the party. But every kid knows that planning the party is secondary. The venue can be ace, the games fun, the fire thrower awesome, but if you don’t get the main event right then all else may as well be thrown out with the pass the parcel.
Yes, I am of course referring to The Cake. Big, small, cupcake, multi-layered behemoth, store-bought, ice-cream, homemade – The Cake is the big kahuna of the party day. You have to have one.
If you’re Australian it is likely that you spent some time in your childhood pouring over the Cake Bible – second only to choosing your showbags from the newspaper lift-out (if you’re not from Australia, you just had to be there I’m sorry, but believe me, the day that lift-out came out was the BEST DAY OF THE YEAR) was the choosing of the cake from the Australian Women’s Weekly Kid’s Birthday Cakes Book. And if you don’t believe me, then see someone far more amusing than me…
Anyway – here are other top tips about cake preparation:
17
Aug
2010
Herding cats. Or how to throw a kid’s party – part 1
Not appropriate for a three year old. And frankly, a little bit disturbing at any age?
I have been planning my son’s 3rd birthday party basically since his 2nd birthday. I know – what a nerd. But that won’t be news to anyone who knows me – I do love a drink good shindig. And as I have the most amazing memories of parties thrown by my mum, I guess I’m just trying to make sure my children have the same sort of memories. Of course, emulating my mother’s parties is a slippery slope. It’s only a hop step and a jump from similar parties to bridge games four times a week and antique shopping. Before we know it I’ll be posting about ten ways to improve your family tree (sorry Mum – I really am dying to see the results of the three thousand years of research you’ve done.)
Where was I? Oh yes – parties. Seriously, how can you not like kid’s parties? The mess, the screams, the tears – there’s something for everyone. Personally, I’m in it for the cake and the champagne. And the fairy bread – which I have discovered today is an Australian thing. Who knew? And if you are unaware of the JOYS of fairy bread – see here. In the meantime, here are my top tips:
26
Apr
2010
Things that make me vomit. And other fun stories about toddlers.
Many may be needed.
The day I hoped would never come is here. Or rather I hoped it would come, but I hoped someone else would have to deal with it. But no, no other mother has popped out of the woodwork offering to take over my role for a few months. So…… it is POTTY TRAINING TIME.
I have enjoyed each new stage up until now (apart from the hellish non-feeding phase of the first baby which I have conveniently blocked from all memory). The weaning was fun, the walking, the learning to feed themselves, talking (offensive swearing toddler aside) — all good stuff. But this, this is something I am ill-prepared for. Mentally, physically, emotionally, I am just not a potty-training type of person. I have a number of issues here:
- I am not a massive fan of talking about bodily functions. I cringe when I hear myself saying “can you do wee-wees for Mummy?” and my voice drops four volume levels when I ask my little angel if he needs to do poo-poos. The thought of having to spend the next few weeks (months? years?) talking about this is KILLING me.
9
Apr
2010
Real Estate Agents as Rock Stars
Sometimes when ‘you don’t know what you’ve got til you’ve gone’, it can be a good thing. This is precisely what I thought to myself when wandering the streets of Melbourne after a long absence, I was confronted with this billboard and the contact names of two real estate agents in 20 foot letters. Call me anti-agentist (if you can say it without actually saying anti-ageist instead) but I kind of think just the agency name in 20 foot letters would still allow people to get in contact with the relevant person. Couldn’t, say, the receptionist put you through to Mr-20-Foot-Letters when you mentioned the property? Perhaps I am being too practical. I’m sure they would say it’s all about personalised service, or some such.
Then I remembered the real estate agent window in Potts Point I hadn’t been able to help but notice before I departed Australia’s fair shores, which had looked more like the window of a casting agency than a vendor of property. These portfolio shots are often featured with properties when they appear in one of the real estate glossy magazines, as if you might get an achingly cool, superbly groomed, uber babe thrown in with your property purchase.
1
Apr
2010
Visiting home; the art of juggling baby, family, friends and downtime
I’m back in the land of Aus this month visiting family and friends. It’s wonderful. I’ve had beach time, great laughs with some (sadly not all) of the people I feel so utterly fortunate to call friends and moments with these friends that make my homesick heart soar. Really, I’m not just attempting to be poetic. When I am having a laugh with old friends, I really do feel like the proverbial pig in mud. This time, I think I’ve struck the balance between catching up with as many people as possible while still enjoying myself and not winding myself up into a tightly stretched rubber band. This, many of you will know, is no easy feat. Particularly for me. I am one of those people that is incapable of enjoying their own party. So enjoying an entire visit home, which is a little bit like a series of back-to-back parties, can be quite a stressful experience.
4
Feb
2010
Make your own personalised word cloud canvas
I stumbled across website wordle.net a few months ago. Wordle lets you create your own word cloud image. I have been pondering ever since what a great gift it would be to use it to create a unique canvas for your baby’s room, or as a gift for, well, anyone. Or maybe you just want one for your own living room.
You can create your own word cloud image on wordle by entering a list of words and then changing the font, colours and the way the words are arranged. The image is yours to use as you wish, so you can save the file you’ve created and have it printed on canvas. (Google “print on canvas” and you’ll find any number of sites that will print your image on canvas and send it to you. Assuming you don’t live in Tristan da Cunha*).
