27
Sep
2010
What to expect when you’re expecting. Or rather – what to do when you’re expecting. Except that doesn’t sound nearly as catchy.
Which may well be why the authors of What to Expect are undoubtedly gazillionaires and I am writing a pink blog.
I have a couple of friends recently who have announced their first pregnancies. Naturally they have turned to someone as wise and insightful as me to advise
them as they take their first tentative steps into the world of bulging stomachs and weeing incessentaly. Or rather, one of them said ‘you must have a nerdy spreadsheet for this sort of thing.’ Au contraire my tubby little friend – I don’t have a single spreadsheet, I have several. And lots of posts. But I guess I have never summarised it all into a neat little package of a posty thing – so here it is, my guide to WHAT THE HELL DO I DO NOW? Apart from all the medical/hospitaly/birthy stuff of course…
- Panic. You are bringing a new person into the world. Much can go wrong and you’re probably already well on the way to f*cking up your kid’s life already. Nice one. Oh, ok, disregard that one – here’s the real list….
22
May
2010
Gina Ford – The case Against
Adapting to the GF routines, about as easy to follow as a badly translated technical manual
Madam Chair, Ladies and Gentleman of the pro Gina Case, ladies and gentleman of the audience, I am here to state the case against Gina Ford (GF). (I have no idea if that’s the way you open a formal debate as was never on a debating team, but it sounds something like something I heard in a film once). Let me first address the arguments of the opposition. This should be quite quick as most of Kate’s points were not arguments about the merits of Gina Ford at all but a lightweight description of a routine and some, not all that compelling (other than sleeping through) claimed benefits to following the GF method.
17
May
2010
Gina Ford – the case FOR.
Do not set one of those up in your back garden to burn books. This would be weird.
Oh my god, my pulse is racing, my heart is beating faster and I can hear Jacqui yelling from Madrid. It’s that time. Time for the post I have been thinking about since we started the blog. The Dame Gina Ford post.
If you’ve had a child in the past ten odd years in the UK or Australia, you’d have to be a bit lacking in eyes and/or ears to have missed one of her books on the parenting bookshelves, seen referenece to her methods on the internet or heard mention of her routines from other parents. The most popular book is The Very Contented Baby, but there are various follow-ups including The Contented Baby with Toddler.
At the outset, I need to divulge something that might already be obvious – I love Gina. There, I’ve said it. It’s out there. Let the stabbings commence and the bags full of poo start arriving on our doorstep, but it is true – her methods have worked like an incredible charm for our family and Gina (or The Big G (TBG) as we prefer to call her) rules the child routine roost around at our pad.
26
Apr
2010
Things that make me vomit. And other fun stories about toddlers.
Many may be needed.
The day I hoped would never come is here. Or rather I hoped it would come, but I hoped someone else would have to deal with it. But no, no other mother has popped out of the woodwork offering to take over my role for a few months. So…… it is POTTY TRAINING TIME.
I have enjoyed each new stage up until now (apart from the hellish non-feeding phase of the first baby which I have conveniently blocked from all memory). The weaning was fun, the walking, the learning to feed themselves, talking (offensive swearing toddler aside) — all good stuff. But this, this is something I am ill-prepared for. Mentally, physically, emotionally, I am just not a potty-training type of person. I have a number of issues here:
- I am not a massive fan of talking about bodily functions. I cringe when I hear myself saying “can you do wee-wees for Mummy?” and my voice drops four volume levels when I ask my little angel if he needs to do poo-poos. The thought of having to spend the next few weeks (months? years?) talking about this is KILLING me.
18
Jan
2010
The first-time parent newborn experience (with Breastfeeding in starring role)
Well, well, didn’t Kate’s newborn experience sound nice what with all the sleeping through, high fiving and apparently oodles of downtime it’s given her. I’m pretty sure there were butterflies fluttering over the flowers on her windowsill and birds chirping from the water spout as she wrote that post from her writing desk overlooking a Provence garden. Good grief woman. Have you no mercy for the less fortunate?
Lots of down time? Really? Don’t worry readers who were wondering what happened to their daytime TV viewing opportunities. And heads up those who think they’re in for a cruisey time. Because the force may be strong with Yoda (aka Kate) but it’s not easy to use the force from the get go – that is, from the moment your first little bundle of joy enters this world.
Let me talk you through a typical day with a newborn, one made up of a seemingly never ending cycle of feeding, crying and not all that much sleeping.
Newborn sleeping: if you move your finger the baby WILL wake up
photo credit: Jon Ovington
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