Archive for the ‘rants’ Category
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21
Oct
2010
Unsolicited Advice and how to stop yourself. A Petit Suisse Case Study.
I didn’t really know what to write about today so I thought I’d just cover what I realise is some old ground but allows me to take the opportunity to get things off my chest.
Unsolicited advice – something I get A LOT of. Let me just point out to those who like to give unsolicited advice, that it is different to solicited advice, which is where someone actually requests that you make a recommendation based on your specific experience, knowledge or qualification to give it. An important part to notice here is the qualification part. For example, if you’re not a doctor, people probably won’t ask you for medical advice. If you think about it, you may note that this is not a limitation you’ve imposed upon yourself with unsolicited advice. That’s where a large part of the problem often lies for the recipient.
Here’s something else you may not have realised, advice givers; Just because there is a problem, doesn’t mean the person is looking for suggested solutions. I know. It’s a challenging concept. And I feel for you. I do. You want to help. There is a problem, you think you have a solution, ‘why not offer it?’ you ask.
27
Aug
2010
Child Entertainment; the Untapped Job Market
CantaJuego, Spain's answer to The Wiggles
I’m pretty sure that everyone has the same reaction when they watch their child’s favourite children’s singing group performing. It goes along the lines of, “I could do that.”
The Wiggles and Hi-5 earned $45 million and $18 million respectively in 2008, according to BRW.
Earning the same money as rockstars and moviestars by dancing around, making idiotic facial expressions and producing music that appears to require no specific skill set, while not having to cope with the paparazzi selling pictures of you to magazines for feature articles on “Stars without Makeup” or those articles that zoom in on cellulite and then enlarge the offending area and accompany it with large letters saying something like “Urggghhh!” seems, like, well, quite an appealing career choice.
Seriously, while I’ve read that The Wiggles apply principles of children’s education and psychology to maximise their appeal to children and possibly have some song writing talent that’s particularly appealing to the kids, there are an awful lot of child entertainers who seem to be equipped with little more than a passable singing voice, a pair of denim overalls and no shame. Spain’s most popular children’s entertainers are a group called ‘Cantajuegos’.
9
Jul
2010
Small Children and the World Cup. Not Ideal.
photo credit: twicepixI am not a major Sports fan. It’s mostly just the big stuff that captures my attention, like the World Cup, the world’s largest sporting event. It’s a big deal. In case you hadn’t noticed.
I understand that watching sports has a family feel to it. We’re in summer here so it’s the perfect occasion to have a few people over to watch the game and celebrate or commiserate afterwards with a BBQ and a few beers. It somehow seems appropriate to bring the kids over. They want to be part of the excitement and learn how to scream at referees and become completely blind to any penalties committed by their own team while developing an unprecedented level of skill and expertise at identifying those of the opposing team. It’s a great opportunity to start developing these essential life skills.
There are times however, when children should not be brought along to watch the game. This generally applies when they are too young to either concentrate on the game or entertain themselves quietly. Very quietly.
Here are some things one shouldn’t do during a World Cup final match, just off the top of my head:
28
May
2010
Madrileño’s that dress their child like Little Lord Fauntleroy
There’s quite an astonishing culture in Madrid of dressing your child to look like it’s 1880 and you’re off to church. If it’s actually a Confirmation boys are off to they will be dressed in either a sailor’s outfit or other military inspired arrangement. If you have family here you will receive a lot of this clothing by way of gifts and spend a lot of energy making up elaborate stories of the many outings baby has had in the outfit and how delightful everyone thought your darling child looked, while the offending boy dress with blue shoulder ribbons actually sits safely tucked away in the bottom drawer.
One of the more disturbing aspects of seeing an innocent, curly haired boy in a baby blue and light brown outfit of bib and brace shorts with a frilly collar, knee high socks and lace up shoes is, despite your awareness that he is an unfortunate and innocent pawn in his parent’s children-as-accessories obsession, you just can’t avoid the word SISSY flying into your head and almost on to your lips. I KNOW. Dreadful. I didn’t know that word was still in my brain somewhere. But that’s what happens when you see these kids.
25
May
2010
Contrary to apparent perception, I do feed my child
photo credit: benjamin_mercadier
Since before he could even eat solids, every time I take out my, now 11 months old, child in public, someone in his general vicinity is constantly trying to put food in his mouth. Sometimes they spontaneously form into teams of four or five, reaching out and collecting whatever completely inappropriate food may be in a 100 metre radius, passing it fire-fighting water line style along a chain to the baby while the head of the team and several others yell out suggestions and try to feed them all in succession to the perplexed child. “Give him some of the guacamole”, yells one. “No it has chilli in it” yells a rare voice of reason, “what about the chocolate cake, he’ll love that”, “no give him a sip of the coca cola, see if he likes it”, “oh I know, I have some red icy poles – it will help with the teething gums”, “give him a chip”, “no, he’ll choke, try this taramasalata dip”, “Do you think he’ll eat the prawn with some mayonnaise, the caviar, the pickled artichoke?”
22
May
2010
Gina Ford – The case Against
Adapting to the GF routines, about as easy to follow as a badly translated technical manual
Madam Chair, Ladies and Gentleman of the pro Gina Case, ladies and gentleman of the audience, I am here to state the case against Gina Ford (GF). (I have no idea if that’s the way you open a formal debate as was never on a debating team, but it sounds something like something I heard in a film once). Let me first address the arguments of the opposition. This should be quite quick as most of Kate’s points were not arguments about the merits of Gina Ford at all but a lightweight description of a routine and some, not all that compelling (other than sleeping through) claimed benefits to following the GF method.
24
Feb
2010
And the role of mother will be played by ME.
Does anyone else ever feel like they are just pretending to be a mother? Like how did you get here and what are these words coming out of your mouth? Sometimes I really feel like I am playing the part in some mothering sitcom (with the requisite somewhat irritating child with a lisp and the small baby played by twins. Only not played by twins in our house – played by just the one baby thank god. Not that I don’t like twins. It’s one of those concepts that is so nice in theory and the matching outfits divine, but the reality seems like some bad horror movie – IMAGINE two year old tantrums in tandem, I think I would retire to the Galapagos, Or someplace equally far away with a beach and no twins. Sorry to those who have twins. I love twins. Twins rock. Twin rant over).
I woke up on my 30-something birthday this year and lay there marvelling about the fact that I have a husband and two children. A full on family. I know I have already expressed my shock, but I am still wondering – WHEN did that happen?
10
Feb
2010
Friendly Medical Advice from your Local Butcher
In continuation to my last post, the hospital and sick child at home experience has given me even more pause for thought – this time in relation to the Spanish approach to medicinal care. On the one hand I discovered a whole other area where people like to give advice (to my delight, as you can imagine). On the other hand there was also a slightly laissez faire approach from the nurses in the hospital actually qualified to give it.
Look! FUN with medication!
Spaniards are particularly prone to handing out unqualified medical advice – the government had to run a multi million euro ad campaign which featured a woman in the market handing over her antibiotics to her good friend the neighbourhood butcher telling him to take them to address his cold like symptoms. The tag line to the ad was “You´re not a doctor, don’t share prescription drugs and see your doctor for medical advice”. Or some such.
8
Feb
2010
Hospital visit and house bound caring. The job fits in where?
This week we returned to the hospital where N was born just seven months ago, this time to deal with a bronchial infection. He had to be put on an oxygen machine and given Ventolin intermittently. Don’t worry. Everything’s fine. In fact the worst part (for me – me, me, me, me, me) was the having to stay in hospital to help care for him. I discovered a whole new level of boredom, with no internet (I know, I know, yes, I’m ok, still kind of recovering, there’s a twitch in my eye but I think it will go away within a few days) and really bad Spanish daytime TV.
I was also sleep deprived. The Ventolin turned N into a CRAZY CHILD and he barely slept. For the first 48 hours the Ventolin was given every 4 hours (each time followed by at least 2 hours of extreme wakefulness), after that (and still now, as I write) we only have to give it to him every 6 hours. This still means a 12am and 6am session with very little sleep in between. It’s like having a newborn again which is particular unfair as he had JUST started sleeping through – we had three blissful nights of it before he fell ill.
2
Feb
2010
Why I am still very trendy and am not getting old. This year.
This is not actually me. In case you were wondering.
My son’s favourite game at the moment is to tell us all how old we are. He is two, the baby is three months (give or take a few months, it’s hard to keep up with her to be fair), Mummy is OLD and Daddy is ANCIENT.
I obviously derive tremendous amusement at the ‘ancient’ (and it’s not far from the truth for the poor old Captain) – but am not overly enamoured with the ‘old’ reference. Because I am quite youthful. In my head. And in photos. That have been photoshopped.
I do not feel that having children is keeping me young. In fact, I think they are causing me more wrinkles than any all night bender in my 20s. (And frankly – some mornings I think I got more joy out of the benders than the kids. Don’t tell people that. It’s a sure fire way to get chucked out of the Mother’s Club to admit something like that. Well, you try having a shower with three people in there with you.) No, the children are definitely making me older. But not OLD.
