Archive for the ‘rants’ Category
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24
Feb
2010
And the role of mother will be played by ME.
Does anyone else ever feel like they are just pretending to be a mother? Like how did you get here and what are these words coming out of your mouth? Sometimes I really feel like I am playing the part in some mothering sitcom (with the requisite somewhat irritating child with a lisp and the small baby played by twins. Only not played by twins in our house – played by just the one baby thank god. Not that I don’t like twins. It’s one of those concepts that is so nice in theory and the matching outfits divine, but the reality seems like some bad horror movie – IMAGINE two year old tantrums in tandem, I think I would retire to the Galapagos, Or someplace equally far away with a beach and no twins. Sorry to those who have twins. I love twins. Twins rock. Twin rant over).
I woke up on my 30-something birthday this year and lay there marvelling about the fact that I have a husband and two children. A full on family. I know I have already expressed my shock, but I am still wondering – WHEN did that happen?
10
Feb
2010
Friendly Medical Advice from your Local Butcher
In continuation to my last post, the hospital and sick child at home experience has given me even more pause for thought – this time in relation to the Spanish approach to medicinal care. On the one hand I discovered a whole other area where people like to give advice (to my delight, as you can imagine). On the other hand there was also a slightly laissez faire approach from the nurses in the hospital actually qualified to give it.
Look! FUN with medication!
Spaniards are particularly prone to handing out unqualified medical advice – the government had to run a multi million euro ad campaign which featured a woman in the market handing over her antibiotics to her good friend the neighbourhood butcher telling him to take them to address his cold like symptoms. The tag line to the ad was “You´re not a doctor, don’t share prescription drugs and see your doctor for medical advice”. Or some such.
8
Feb
2010
Hospital visit and house bound caring. The job fits in where?
This week we returned to the hospital where N was born just seven months ago, this time to deal with a bronchial infection. He had to be put on an oxygen machine and given Ventolin intermittently. Don’t worry. Everything’s fine. In fact the worst part (for me – me, me, me, me, me) was the having to stay in hospital to help care for him. I discovered a whole new level of boredom, with no internet (I know, I know, yes, I’m ok, still kind of recovering, there’s a twitch in my eye but I think it will go away within a few days) and really bad Spanish daytime TV.
I was also sleep deprived. The Ventolin turned N into a CRAZY CHILD and he barely slept. For the first 48 hours the Ventolin was given every 4 hours (each time followed by at least 2 hours of extreme wakefulness), after that (and still now, as I write) we only have to give it to him every 6 hours. This still means a 12am and 6am session with very little sleep in between. It’s like having a newborn again which is particular unfair as he had JUST started sleeping through – we had three blissful nights of it before he fell ill.
2
Feb
2010
Why I am still very trendy and am not getting old. This year.
This is not actually me. In case you were wondering.
My son’s favourite game at the moment is to tell us all how old we are. He is two, the baby is three months (give or take a few months, it’s hard to keep up with her to be fair), Mummy is OLD and Daddy is ANCIENT.
I obviously derive tremendous amusement at the ‘ancient’ (and it’s not far from the truth for the poor old Captain) – but am not overly enamoured with the ‘old’ reference. Because I am quite youthful. In my head. And in photos. That have been photoshopped.
I do not feel that having children is keeping me young. In fact, I think they are causing me more wrinkles than any all night bender in my 20s. (And frankly – some mornings I think I got more joy out of the benders than the kids. Don’t tell people that. It’s a sure fire way to get chucked out of the Mother’s Club to admit something like that. Well, you try having a shower with three people in there with you.) No, the children are definitely making me older. But not OLD.
7
Dec
2009
Some thoughts on the world going mad about children.
I should start this post by saying that I love my children. Even the annoying one. No really, I do. They are funny and cute and entertaining and relatively well behaved. My life changed when I had them and although I still sometimes mourn the loss of my old life, for the most part my life has changed for the better. And I suppose they have become my anchor (not in a weighing me down til I drown way, as in a nice kind of centre of my world way – yes, probably a bad analogy in retrospect) but it doesn’t mean that they have taken over my life.
13
Nov
2009
Australian men need a good kick in the pants
CC photo credit: Lucy Boynton
You heard me. Dating wise, they really need to pick up their game. I was reading this post on Mamamia the other day which is a question from a reader, Abby, about handling an invitation to a date from a guy she’d briefly met, how to let a guy down nicely in general and whether to go or not when you’re not particularly keen from the get-go. I weighed in to the comments with some wisdom from my extensive single years – you should go and in general when you don’t want to go on a date or a follow up date, the best way to let someone down is to just not return the call. After a first date or, indeed before, you shouldn’t have to have a break up conversation or provide any kind of explanation really. If you don’t return their calls, they’ll figure it out. It’s been the majority of mens’ technique for years.
8
Nov
2009
Pre-natal classes in need of an overhaul
Photo credit: Babymama, Universal Pictures
Someone needs to throw me a line here so I can stop scaring the shit out of my friends and tell me that, yes, there are some pre-natal classes that are actually useful. Because mine was 100% completely and utterly useless.
The breathing classes were totally lame. L.A.M.E. We’re trying to reduce the pain of child birth here, not a paper cut. What sane person thinks a little in and out breathing is going to achieve anything? AND, how the hell do they expect us to remember five different breathing exercises each with it’s own little stages? In through the mouth, out through the nose, at 10 seconds change, change to out through the nose and in through the mouth, at 30 seconds change, reverse, slower, faster, now shallow, now deep…Oh COME ON. What am I going to do, write it on my palm when my waters break? P-lease. Plus, anyway, even if I did want to do anything as ridiculous as write notes on my palm for childbirth, which I totally wouldn’t, the little parabolic graphs with the different breathing changes at each stage of the contraction wouldn’t fit so I would have to, I don’t know, wear those giant hands people take to the cricket, and THEN write the notes on there. Which, obviously, takes impracticality to a whole new level.
4
Nov
2009
8 reasons why I love IKEA (but not the Billy Bookcase) and other storage solution meccas.
I love IKEA. As I have already posted previously, my love borders on the extreme. I also have love for Howard’s Storage World in Australia and Lakeland in the UK. Something about a massive catalogue and an innovative storage solution makes me overly excited. How do I love thee? Let me count the ways (yes, this is just a clever ploy to allow me to write yet another list):
- Because it makes me think I can be better. It’s a bit like starting the new school year – everytime I visit a store and see a new clever way to store my magazines, I think I’m going to be good. This time I will be neat and tidy and everything will be in an easily accessible and yet attractive place in my sleek Scandinavian home. A man called Sven will whip up meatballs and lingonberry juices (no, I don’t know if lingonberries really exist either). In short, my life will be perfect.
21
Oct
2009
Thanks for the advice
photo credit: rahego
I was stopped in the street this morning by a kindly woman who went to the trouble of doubling back to suggest that I put a hat on my baby, who was, by the way, happily cruising along in a luxury, wind sheltered buggy. She pointed out with much consternation that his ears would be cold. How very considerate of her to share her concern. I’ve never heard of death by cold ears but you really can’t be too careful these days.
So I wanted to take this occasion to say a big THANK YOU, not just to her but also to all those people that have given me helpful and not-so-helpful advice, solicited and unsolicited, over the last 4 months. Because let’s face it, even if the advice flies exactly in the face of what the wiser part of the medical profession would recommend, it’s come from the heart, or at least some other functional part of the body.
