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I have often been described as a genius. By often, I mean I think I heard a teacher say it once. Possibly she said pest. No, definitely genius. Anyway, I present to you the first in my eagerly anticipated series – Kate’s Genius Child-Rearing Inventions. These are things that I have never seen in a shop – possibly as they may cause injury – but DEFINITELY should be in a shop. People would buy these things.
Pop-up remote controlled electric fence.

A little less violent
You know when you’re in a park. Or a coffee shop or a circus. And you have a small child running in the wrong direction. Or crawling away as fast as their little legs can move? And you really want to finish the end of JUST ONE sentence before interrupting your conversation to drag them back to the designated zone? This is where you whip out your remote control, press the buzzer and a child proof forcefield is erected. Nothing too violent – it wouldn’t give them an electric shock (that’s part of my invention #21) – would just keep them in a defined area, unable to disappear behind a faraway hedge, smear ice-cream on any one’s leather sofa or empty salt out of every salt shaker behind the waiter’s station.
I’ll admit that I like Baby Björn branding. It’s not just the clever word play, it’s that it also makes me think of Björn Borg and I can’t help but think that a little bit of his retro cool might rub off on me if I buy something from Baby Björn*. It’s his general coolness I’m aspiring to you understand, not his wardrobe at the peak of his fame – I’m not going to start wearing tight white shorts, long socks and terri towelling headbands. Though I don’t doubt there are some very fashionable people that could carry that off. I just don’t have the legs for it. Or the hair.
But I drew the line at the 80 plus euro for a baby chair/baby sitter/bouncing cradle. I remembered the metal frame strung with some slightly flexible material that people used from my youth and it didn’t seem necessary to buy an expensive, branded version. There must be dozens of alternatives I assumed. They’re so simple. Well, actually not.
I don’t know if it has hit other parts of the world yet, but here in Europe if you don’t own Sophie, you may as well stay home – or stay hidden underneath the sun protector in your buggy or other baby anti-humiliation techniques. There is no way you could face life in the sandpit without knowing that you had Sophie waiting for you at home. Yes my friends – it’s not about highchairs or cots or even your designer buggy – if you don’t own Sophie La Giraffe, you are nobody.
Furthermore, if you don’t buy your baby one immediately, you are probably sentencing your child to a lifetime of lunches alone and dodgy denim choices (I have no memories like this to relate to, only ever having been seen wearing cool, up to the minute, always in fashion jeans. Cough denim hotpants cough).
But why? Why this French phenomenon? There are fifty five million different squeezy toys for babies (I counted), what makes Soph different? I’ll hazard a few (dodgy) guesses….
Madam Chair, Ladies and Gentleman of the pro Gina Case, ladies and gentleman of the audience, I am here to state the case against Gina Ford (GF). (I have no idea if that’s the way you open a formal debate as was never on a debating team, but it sounds something like something I heard in a film once). Let me first address the arguments of the opposition. This should be quite quick as most of Kate’s points were not arguments about the merits of Gina Ford at all but a lightweight description of a routine and some, not all that compelling (other than sleeping through) claimed benefits to following the GF method.

My favourite book. Get your hands on it.
Or so the song goes. These are actually a few of my favourite children’s picture books for the under 5s. I know, I know, there are literally thousands of wonderful books, and as clever and efficient as I am, I haven’t quite got through them all. Astounding I realise.
My requirements for being added to this illustrious list include gorgeous illustrations, fun or charming stories (a sense of humour doesn’t go astray) and something that I don’t want to set fire to the fortieth time I read it. And I have to admit a terrible bias towards Australian books here – I don’t know if it’s because some of them reflect my own childhood stories, or their cheekiness just appeals to me, but I have to put it out there.
So to keep you going while I make my way through every single children’s book in the world, here are some of my favourites:

This is like a picture of me at the dentist. I know - bad hair day.
Ages ago I wrote a post about baby things I had bought that I had wasted money on. I made a rash promise to post my spreadsheet of things that you SHOULD buy. Four months later I am coming good with my promise. I know. I’m reliable like that. You should hear my promises to my dentist – they are nothing short of inspiring and involve trips to hygienists, dental floss and 45 degree brushing angles.
Anyway, I digress. I know that interesting dentistry anecdotes is a post in itself but baby stuff I promised and baby stuff you shall have. There are many many things to buy when you are having a baby. And many many shops and online stores from which to buy these essentials. I say essentials. In actual fact, apart from a cot, a pram and some clothes, you’d be hard pressed to say anything was truly essential. But we are what we are. Well, actually, I am what I am. You may well be a far more worthy and green type person who buys the minimum, recycles stuff, freecycles it back into the community and is generally a better, kinder and more annoying person than me. If you are, can I suggest you stop reading? I think you will not enjoy my list of essentials.
Babyology reported recently on the new concept-stage monitor in the works by Danish company Sikker. Monitors are going stellar with monitorisation of the baby´s body temperature and heart rate rather than just old sound and movement.
But what do you actually need out of a baby monitor?
If you, like me, find it hard to think of things to do with a very young baby, you should take a look at the Pocoyo series. My baby is 7 months old and I’m pretty much constantly changing whatever basic object it is in his hand every 5 minutes because that’s how long it takes for him to get bored. He can’t crawl yet, build blocks, draw or doing anything particularly engaging and I had thought that it was far too early for television. But he actually seems to love Pocoyo.
The white background, bright colours and lively music of Pocoyo have just enough sound and movement to capture the interest of the youngest infants. It’s a welcome addition to the arsenal of entertainment tools with which I am constantly attempting to kill the boredom.
The best part is that I think it’s really cute and funny and enjoy watching it with him. The narrators are delightful in both Spanish and English. Stephen Fry does the English version. Parents generally seem to find the shows pretty entertaining – evident from comments on websites and forums, which is a quite an accomplishment when it’s a programme that’s made for the very youngest infants.
When we fell pregnant with N all our friends told us to get on to cord blood banking. Debate ensued as to which of the private cord banks were the best. Private cord banks are big here. There are seven operating in Spain, and their marketing is evidently effective. At no time did anyone address whether banking your cord blood with a private bank was the right thing to do. So confident were they of the need for private cord blood banking that one can see how expecting parents come to assume that cord blood banking is a given obligation. It almost feels un-parent like to be questioning the benefits of committing to anything that might benefit your child in future. ‘How could we not invest in something that may one day save our child’s life?’ you ask yourselves. This line of thinking is encouraged directly (or indirectly via your peers) by the well executed and powerful marketing messages of private banks. Private cord blood banking is a very expensive programme with questionable benefits. You need to go beyond the marketing material to make your decision.
The San Miguel Market (Mercado de san Miguel) in Madrid is an exciting culinary and entertainment addition to the centre of Madrid, long overdue. Very overdue in fact. The building sat empty for over 10 years. It has been beautifully renovated and the food displays are a pleasure to look at as well as feast on. You can sip on champagne while sliding back freshly shucked oysters or grab a tray of tapas and a beer to enjoy under the high ceilings of the light and airy interior.
If you go on the weekend, try to arrive outside of 2:30 to 3:30 when it gets a little bit crazy – but if you arrive at peak hour, the insiders trick is to enter through the “back door”, the entrance farthest from plaza mayor where there is more space than the hordes realize. We found a space even with pram in tow.
This is my son. Not, as it may appear to an alarmed parent in the middle of the night, being suffocated by a wild brown animal, but voluntarily, softly rubbing his face up against his FLATOUTbear.
Apparently FLATOUTbears are already pretty well known to many parents, but there may be a few of you still unfamiliar with these teddy bears, or, like me before, were aware but not especially enamored with them — at least not with any more affection than for your average cuddly bear. Now, however, I totally get why flat is good.
You can’t rub a normal bear on your face like that. Nor, most likely, would you want to — the snout and belly and all those other curves would make it not quite as pleasant. There’s nothing wrong with curvy bears, I’m sure they’re good for lots of things, but being plastered against baby’s head, well, that’s where FLATOUTbears really come into their own.
Hold on to your hats iphone fans, I may have found the most useful iphone application ever. Well, let’s not forget about Total Baby, which is still going strong for me, but let’s just say I’m at least as excited as I was when I discovered that trusty application. My latest discovery is the BabyPhone iphone app, which, in the briefest of explanations, let’s you monitor your baby with your iphone – calling or emailing another designated phone number (or email) when it senses your baby crying or moving. It works; I’ve already tested it on the Christmas, New Year party circuit. Quite simply, it’s genius.

Koolistov BabyPhone iphone application, Activiation Screen
No more popping in and out of the party/dining room every five seconds to see if your precious one is still sleeping peacefully in the room where you’ve left him or her, as opposed to the hysterical crying you’re constantly imagining could be going on unnoticed and unattended. No more pretending to listen to conversations and appear relaxed when you’re actually wound up like a rubber band trying to separate the sounds of voices from what could possibly be a cry from the distant room. No more ducking in and out of the party to plaster your ear against the door or opening the door only to find the baby was sleeping… until you opened the door.
I know very little about baby carriers and slings. But I am nothing if not helpful, and someone asked me the other day about which one was the best, so Alex – this one’s for you. Oh, and anyone else pondering the great unknown of the carrying/wearing world. Just writing to Alex would be weird. Although she is already probably slightly uncomfortable at having a whole post dedicated to her. Quite selfish the rest of you are thinking? I know – Alex is like that. Anyway, poor Alex, don’t be mean to her if you meet her, she can’t help being like that.
So slings, carriers and pack thingies – they are your big three segments. Slings are for babywearing hippies, carriers for trendy inner-city types and packs for healthy ruddy-faced outdoorsy types. Who carry hiking sticks. Got that? I love a good generalisation. Now this is not supposed to be the pinnacle of research, just a point in the right direction for beginners, to start you off even better than my ramblings, you might want to read this Which column.

If you ask my husband — most of my wardrobe, half the bathroom cabinet, all of my top drawer, the spice cupboard, the bottom three shelves of the bookshelf and everything in my half of the CD rack — falls into this category. But for the purposes of this post I will keep it to Items I Have Bought for Children or Childbearing Purposes. Also known as Things Kate’s Friends Should Have Told Her.

"Single Tree" 3D Illustration by Anneka Tran. Visit her blog at http://annekatran.blogspot.com/
Many of you I am sure have been admiring the illustrations on our site. We’ve put them there to distract you from the writing. All of them were done by illustrator Anneka Tran, a young, energetic and very talented lady from Staffordshire, England. Anneka has her own blog and website which shows her amazing selection of illustrations and work.
The blog also gives an indication of her impressive work ethic, with something new and gorgeous posted almost every week. When we brief Anneka for an illustration it takes longer for us to pick up her response email and approve the drafts than it does for Anneka to whip the illustration itself. Sometimes it’s actually scary.
The artist’s latest, self-assigned large scale project was an illustration (well more like a series of illustrations) of The Table Of Elements. How’s THAT for self-motivation? I don’t think I have ever given myself an assignment. If I hadn’t partnered with Kate on this blog and given myself some outside pressure I wouldn’t get anything done. You can check out Anneka’s Table Of Elements here. Art meets geek, and the result is amazing. Be sure to scroll down on the article to see the larger images.