Archive for the ‘Baby’ Category
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31
Aug
2010
Herding cats. Or how to throw a kid’s party – part 2
So – part one was about the basics – planning the party. But every kid knows that planning the party is secondary. The venue can be ace, the games fun, the fire thrower awesome, but if you don’t get the main event right then all else may as well be thrown out with the pass the parcel.
Yes, I am of course referring to The Cake. Big, small, cupcake, multi-layered behemoth, store-bought, ice-cream, homemade – The Cake is the big kahuna of the party day. You have to have one.
If you’re Australian it is likely that you spent some time in your childhood pouring over the Cake Bible – second only to choosing your showbags from the newspaper lift-out (if you’re not from Australia, you just had to be there I’m sorry, but believe me, the day that lift-out came out was the BEST DAY OF THE YEAR) was the choosing of the cake from the Australian Women’s Weekly Kid’s Birthday Cakes Book. And if you don’t believe me, then see someone far more amusing than me…
Anyway – here are other top tips about cake preparation:
22
Aug
2010
Kate’s Genius Child-Rearing Inventions #1
I have often been described as a genius. By often, I mean I think I heard a teacher say it once. Possibly she said pest. No, definitely genius. Anyway, I present to you the first in my eagerly anticipated series – Kate’s Genius Child-Rearing Inventions. These are things that I have never seen in a shop – possibly as they may cause injury – but DEFINITELY should be in a shop. People would buy these things.
Pop-up remote controlled electric fence.
A little less violent
You know when you’re in a park. Or a coffee shop or a circus. And you have a small child running in the wrong direction. Or crawling away as fast as their little legs can move? And you really want to finish the end of JUST ONE sentence before interrupting your conversation to drag them back to the designated zone? This is where you whip out your remote control, press the buzzer and a child proof forcefield is erected. Nothing too violent – it wouldn’t give them an electric shock (that’s part of my invention #21) – would just keep them in a defined area, unable to disappear behind a faraway hedge, smear ice-cream on any one’s leather sofa or empty salt out of every salt shaker behind the waiter’s station.
17
Aug
2010
Herding cats. Or how to throw a kid’s party – part 1
Not appropriate for a three year old. And frankly, a little bit disturbing at any age?
I have been planning my son’s 3rd birthday party basically since his 2nd birthday. I know – what a nerd. But that won’t be news to anyone who knows me – I do love a drink good shindig. And as I have the most amazing memories of parties thrown by my mum, I guess I’m just trying to make sure my children have the same sort of memories. Of course, emulating my mother’s parties is a slippery slope. It’s only a hop step and a jump from similar parties to bridge games four times a week and antique shopping. Before we know it I’ll be posting about ten ways to improve your family tree (sorry Mum – I really am dying to see the results of the three thousand years of research you’ve done.)
Where was I? Oh yes – parties. Seriously, how can you not like kid’s parties? The mess, the screams, the tears – there’s something for everyone. Personally, I’m in it for the cake and the champagne. And the fairy bread – which I have discovered today is an Australian thing. Who knew? And if you are unaware of the JOYS of fairy bread – see here. In the meantime, here are my top tips:
11
Aug
2010
The Longest Summer Days
This is not what my summer holidays are like (photo: Supagroova)
When people talked about long summer days, I always had the impression that it was a positive thing. Clearly I wasn’t talking to many parents on the topic. Summer days are not just described as long by parents because the sun is in the sky a lot longer but because you are with your child (or, gold help you, children) AAALLLLLLL day. For a lot of us, that’s a new and surprisingly excruciating experience. No playgroup, no childcare. And then there is all the extra effort of stopping your child breaking everything and discovering a whole new set of dangers in another house. There is no small amount of additional time and energy spent monitoring the movements of a child intent on discovering every corner and no-go zone of the your chosen holiday accommodation. The ornaments, so many sodding ornaments… I’m hoping for a minimalism come-back to sweep the rental properties industry, without the sharp corners.
2
Aug
2010
Why I am an awesome parent – my new parenting philosophy
ideal parenting position
A male friend of mine sent a group email with the MOST fabulous article this week about ‘idle parenting’. It sparked much comment and a whole new language. The opening sentence of the article by my new hero Tom Hodgkinson sums up the whole concept:
Cancel all clubs, ditch the after-school activities and leave those kids alone.
In other brilliant highlights, the article includes gems such as:
a lazy parent is a good parent
A lot can be achieved by lying in bed. Simply by doing nothing, you can train children to do useful things.
My kids are happy because we’re happy.” Do not suffer. Enjoy your life.
I had no idea that I was already subscribing to such a widespread and legitimate* child raising methodology. But I am loving it.
30
Jul
2010
Beach Babe
Like the rest of Spain, we’re on holiday at the beach. It’s our first beach holiday with a child. He’s 13 months, still can’t walk, weighs about 11kg and still likes to crawl all over his parents at every opportunity. The beach does not enhance this experience.
Here’s some stuff you might not know if you haven’t tried to go with a baby or small toddler yet.
- Your days of lying back on a sand controlled towel are over (an arsenal of toys will not make any difference). Babies and toddlers will not sit quietly in the shade, on a towel, playing with toys. What they will in fact do is crawl directly off designated sand free zone and bring back a substantial amount of the stuff with them.
- You’re not cool anymore. Face it, there is NO WAY on this earth to go to the beach packed like a camel – carrying change bag, toys, bucket and spade, water, baby food, umbrella, towels, and more (am sure Kate has the definitive spreadsheet somewhere of all the things one should take to the beach) AND carry an 11kg baby all the while walking on hot sand AND look cool. You are the stereotypical parent of every hip single’s nightmare. Don’t attempt to fool anyone. If you’re not loaded up like a cartless gypsy, every other parent will be smugly aware that you are either at the beach for five minutes or about to face down a disaster.
23
Jul
2010
Bugger off kid
Kids getting along swimmingly
Sometimes you really just want to tell a kid to Bugger Off. Unfortunately, while it can be effective in the short term, the short victory normally turns sour. It usually ends with an accusing, pointing, sticky little finger and the words, “Mummy that lady told me to Bugger Off”. Dobber. You can look searchingly behind you as much as you like, a kids extended pointer finger is a frighteningly accurate instrument for identifying the object of their accusations.
What are your alternatives when a kid is behaving like a rat bag and their parents are absent or unwilling to discipline their child? I’ve heard horrific stories of parents witnessing their child being hit or pushed while the well-aware parent of the offender sits idly by, and I am sure there are many outrageous stories with which I hope you’ll regale us in the comments section, but actually we face smaller, less serious incidences all the time that can be pretty frustrating.
20
Jul
2010
The big child raising issues. Or how to annoy your husband in the middle of the night.
Do you worry about your children much? I mean clearly, crossing the road, not jumping into the pool or licking other people’s dogs – the things we all worry about. But I am talking about the really big issues. Those that keep us awake at night.
Sometimes I think I am doing aok – I have a nice little pigeon pair (what on EARTH does that mean by the way? And as an aside, I got a lot of congratulations on the birth of daughter. To which I of course blushed and looked suitably proud and modest. Like I had ANYTHING to do with it. Except of course my secret girl making potion sprinkled liberally on husband while sleeping.) . Anyway, a nice little pair who are occasionally well behaved and haven’t set fire to anything in months.
5
Jul
2010
The post about what to give when you’re not giving flowers
For the love of god, NO.
There are only so many flowers a person needs. Honestly. And this goes for sick people, as well as new mothers. Firstly, who has fourteen vases in the right shape and colour for fourteen different bunches? Secondly, who has fourteen mantelpieces to put them on? And thirdly, umm, who needs that many flowers? But who has the time to think of clever and thoughtful yet awesome value presents for people these days? What with full on jobs or full on children or full on both, you need some help. And they don’t call me Helpful Harriet for nothing. Actually, no one calls me Helpful Harriet but I am hoping if I use it enough, it will catch on. So here are some suggestions. Some of them might also be useful for someone who is coping with an illness, a bereavement, a break-up or a general rough time. You are welcome.
The gift of time
1
Jul
2010
Björn it Up Baby
Baby Bjorn Babysitter Balance
I’ll admit that I like Baby Björn branding. It’s not just the clever word play, it’s that it also makes me think of Björn Borg and I can’t help but think that a little bit of his retro cool might rub off on me if I buy something from Baby Björn*. It’s his general coolness I’m aspiring to you understand, not his wardrobe at the peak of his fame – I’m not going to start wearing tight white shorts, long socks and terri towelling headbands. Though I don’t doubt there are some very fashionable people that could carry that off. I just don’t have the legs for it. Or the hair.
But I drew the line at the 80 plus euro for a baby chair/baby sitter/bouncing cradle. I remembered the metal frame strung with some slightly flexible material that people used from my youth and it didn’t seem necessary to buy an expensive, branded version. There must be dozens of alternatives I assumed. They’re so simple. Well, actually not.
20
Jun
2010
Recovering from the ‘other kind’ of birth
It does not take this many openings - I swear.
I am a small-time c-section veteran, having got two babies up and out ‘through the sun roof’. Not on my own you understand – there were a few doctors and nurses, but basically I am tough and brave. As an obsessive planner, the second time round when I knew I was having another one, I did some serious research. I also bought a lot of unnecessary gear and freaked out a lot. Even if you’re planning the most natural of natural births, stuff happens sometimes and it always pays to freak out in advance. Oh wait – is that right? Anyway, based on absolutely no medical experience whatsoever (although I have watched a LOT of Gray’s Anatomy which is pretty much the same thing), here are my personal top tips for recovering from a c-section:
6
Jun
2010
Sophie – baby’s first status symbol? And our very first giveaway.
This is her. Skinny, Parisian and chic.
I don’t know if it has hit other parts of the world yet, but here in Europe if you don’t own Sophie, you may as well stay home – or stay hidden underneath the sun protector in your buggy or other baby anti-humiliation techniques. There is no way you could face life in the sandpit without knowing that you had Sophie waiting for you at home. Yes my friends – it’s not about highchairs or cots or even your designer buggy – if you don’t own Sophie La Giraffe, you are nobody.
Furthermore, if you don’t buy your baby one immediately, you are probably sentencing your child to a lifetime of lunches alone and dodgy denim choices (I have no memories like this to relate to, only ever having been seen wearing cool, up to the minute, always in fashion jeans. Cough denim hotpants cough).
But why? Why this French phenomenon? There are fifty five million different squeezy toys for babies (I counted), what makes Soph different? I’ll hazard a few (dodgy) guesses….
- She is French. Probably Parisian. And female. All Parisian women are skinny, chic, classic and colour coordinated. So is Sophie.
1
Jun
2010
And somewhere along the line I fell in love
ALERT: TOTALLY SOPPY POST COMING UP. AVERT EYES IF NECESSARY
So you know how all those movies and TV shows and chicklit books describe the moment you meet your baby and you fall instantly in love? Completely and utterly, beside yourself immediately, in love? If you don’t know those books and TV shows and movies then good on you, you probably spend your time reading worthy, didactic tomes about apartheid in South Africa and tutoring the underprivileged (which begs the question about why you are reading this blog, but we’ll take anyone).
Anyway, you know that instant love feeling? Well, nope. Not me.
When number one came along, sure I felt protective. He was also very cute (massive head notwithstanding) and I was keen to look after him the best I possibly could. We spent hours marvelling at the fact that we had MADE THAT LIMB. I know, the first people EVER to create life – I know how clever we are. But overwhelming, tear inducing love at first sight? Nope. Am I weird?
22
May
2010
Gina Ford – The case Against
Adapting to the GF routines, about as easy to follow as a badly translated technical manual
Madam Chair, Ladies and Gentleman of the pro Gina Case, ladies and gentleman of the audience, I am here to state the case against Gina Ford (GF). (I have no idea if that’s the way you open a formal debate as was never on a debating team, but it sounds something like something I heard in a film once). Let me first address the arguments of the opposition. This should be quite quick as most of Kate’s points were not arguments about the merits of Gina Ford at all but a lightweight description of a routine and some, not all that compelling (other than sleeping through) claimed benefits to following the GF method.
17
May
2010
Gina Ford – the case FOR.
Do not set one of those up in your back garden to burn books. This would be weird.
Oh my god, my pulse is racing, my heart is beating faster and I can hear Jacqui yelling from Madrid. It’s that time. Time for the post I have been thinking about since we started the blog. The Dame Gina Ford post.
If you’ve had a child in the past ten odd years in the UK or Australia, you’d have to be a bit lacking in eyes and/or ears to have missed one of her books on the parenting bookshelves, seen referenece to her methods on the internet or heard mention of her routines from other parents. The most popular book is The Very Contented Baby, but there are various follow-ups including The Contented Baby with Toddler.
At the outset, I need to divulge something that might already be obvious – I love Gina. There, I’ve said it. It’s out there. Let the stabbings commence and the bags full of poo start arriving on our doorstep, but it is true – her methods have worked like an incredible charm for our family and Gina (or The Big G (TBG) as we prefer to call her) rules the child routine roost around at our pad.
11
May
2010
These are a few of my favourite things….PICTURE BOOKS
My favourite book. Get your hands on it.
Or so the song goes. These are actually a few of my favourite children’s picture books for the under 5s. I know, I know, there are literally thousands of wonderful books, and as clever and efficient as I am, I haven’t quite got through them all. Astounding I realise.
My requirements for being added to this illustrious list include gorgeous illustrations, fun or charming stories (a sense of humour doesn’t go astray) and something that I don’t want to set fire to the fortieth time I read it. And I have to admit a terrible bias towards Australian books here – I don’t know if it’s because some of them reflect my own childhood stories, or their cheekiness just appeals to me, but I have to put it out there.
So to keep you going while I make my way through every single children’s book in the world, here are some of my favourites:
- Wanted: The Perfect Pet – this is probably my favourite book ever. Mainly for the over 2s but good for a few years after that due to the detail, it is very funny, very sweet, very engaging and has lovely line-style drawings. It also provides good scope for me to show off the breadth of my story reading skills. Love it.
3
May
2010
By popular demand – THE BABY LIST. Essentials and almost essentials to buy.
This is like a picture of me at the dentist. I know - bad hair day.
Ages ago I wrote a post about baby things I had bought that I had wasted money on. I made a rash promise to post my spreadsheet of things that you SHOULD buy. Four months later I am coming good with my promise. I know. I’m reliable like that. You should hear my promises to my dentist – they are nothing short of inspiring and involve trips to hygienists, dental floss and 45 degree brushing angles.
Anyway, I digress. I know that interesting dentistry anecdotes is a post in itself but baby stuff I promised and baby stuff you shall have. There are many many things to buy when you are having a baby. And many many shops and online stores from which to buy these essentials. I say essentials. In actual fact, apart from a cot, a pram and some clothes, you’d be hard pressed to say anything was truly essential. But we are what we are. Well, actually, I am what I am. You may well be a far more worthy and green type person who buys the minimum, recycles stuff, freecycles it back into the community and is generally a better, kinder and more annoying person than me. If you are, can I suggest you stop reading? I think you will not enjoy my list of essentials.
28
Apr
2010
What to think about when buying your baby monitor
Babyology reported recently on the new concept-stage monitor in the works by Danish company Sikker. Monitors are going stellar with monitorisation of the baby´s body temperature and heart rate rather than just old sound and movement.
But what do you actually need out of a baby monitor?
15
Apr
2010
Desperate Measures
Everyone’s heard the one about the parents who have fallen in to the trap of only being able to get their baby to sleep to the motion of the car, and consequently end up spending hours in the middle of the night driving around the neighbourhood to get a screaming and desperately tired baby to sleep.
I have a cousin who had a very colicky baby and discovered that her baby’s screaming came to a sudden and unexpected halt at the sound of the oven fan. They spent a lot of time at the oven. Just not cooking.
12
Apr
2010
Parenting Skills – the top five. Which include shopping.
I have not taken children to a concert yet. But I imagine I would be quite good at it.
I am not good at games. I don’t like making crowns. Or playing trains. Or pretending to eat belly-button chocolate (don’t ask, it’s a family thing). I imagine I will be rubbish at watching children’s sporting matches, as I have a tendency to drift off when balls start flying around in front of me. I also dislike taking my children out to lunch, playing in the park and speaking baby talk to newborns. However, I do have some parenting skills of which I am proud. Some may say weirdly proud — I would just say proud.
1. I am an EXCELLENT story reader. I give it everything I have got — whether it’s pathos, humour, kindness or poignancy (not a commonly required emotion in board books, but you never know) — I can carry it off. I have been known to receive a small round of applause at the end of Dig Dig Digging and if you thought you couldn’t eke out a tear from a 2 year old at a rendition of The Very Hungry Caterpillar, then you were wrong.
