Archive for the ‘Baby’ Category
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You are currently browsing the archives for the Baby category.
I have often been described as a genius. By often, I mean I think I heard a teacher say it once. Possibly she said pest. No, definitely genius. Anyway, I present to you the first in my eagerly anticipated series – Kate’s Genius Child-Rearing Inventions. These are things that I have never seen in a shop – possibly as they may cause injury – but DEFINITELY should be in a shop. People would buy these things.
Pop-up remote controlled electric fence.

A little less violent
You know when you’re in a park. Or a coffee shop or a circus. And you have a small child running in the wrong direction. Or crawling away as fast as their little legs can move? And you really want to finish the end of JUST ONE sentence before interrupting your conversation to drag them back to the designated zone? This is where you whip out your remote control, press the buzzer and a child proof forcefield is erected. Nothing too violent – it wouldn’t give them an electric shock (that’s part of my invention #21) – would just keep them in a defined area, unable to disappear behind a faraway hedge, smear ice-cream on any one’s leather sofa or empty salt out of every salt shaker behind the waiter’s station.
Like the rest of Spain, we’re on holiday at the beach. It’s our first beach holiday with a child. He’s 13 months, still can’t walk, weighs about 11kg and still likes to crawl all over his parents at every opportunity. The beach does not enhance this experience.
Here’s some stuff you might not know if you haven’t tried to go with a baby or small toddler yet.

For the love of god, NO.
There are only so many flowers a person needs. Honestly. And this goes for sick people, as well as new mothers. Firstly, who has fourteen vases in the right shape and colour for fourteen different bunches? Secondly, who has fourteen mantelpieces to put them on? And thirdly, umm, who needs that many flowers? But who has the time to think of clever and thoughtful yet awesome value presents for people these days? What with full on jobs or full on children or full on both, you need some help. And they don’t call me Helpful Harriet for nothing. Actually, no one calls me Helpful Harriet but I am hoping if I use it enough, it will catch on. So here are some suggestions. Some of them might also be useful for someone who is coping with an illness, a bereavement, a break-up or a general rough time. You are welcome.
The gift of time
I’ll admit that I like Baby Björn branding. It’s not just the clever word play, it’s that it also makes me think of Björn Borg and I can’t help but think that a little bit of his retro cool might rub off on me if I buy something from Baby Björn*. It’s his general coolness I’m aspiring to you understand, not his wardrobe at the peak of his fame – I’m not going to start wearing tight white shorts, long socks and terri towelling headbands. Though I don’t doubt there are some very fashionable people that could carry that off. I just don’t have the legs for it. Or the hair.
But I drew the line at the 80 plus euro for a baby chair/baby sitter/bouncing cradle. I remembered the metal frame strung with some slightly flexible material that people used from my youth and it didn’t seem necessary to buy an expensive, branded version. There must be dozens of alternatives I assumed. They’re so simple. Well, actually not.
I don’t know if it has hit other parts of the world yet, but here in Europe if you don’t own Sophie, you may as well stay home – or stay hidden underneath the sun protector in your buggy or other baby anti-humiliation techniques. There is no way you could face life in the sandpit without knowing that you had Sophie waiting for you at home. Yes my friends – it’s not about highchairs or cots or even your designer buggy – if you don’t own Sophie La Giraffe, you are nobody.
Furthermore, if you don’t buy your baby one immediately, you are probably sentencing your child to a lifetime of lunches alone and dodgy denim choices (I have no memories like this to relate to, only ever having been seen wearing cool, up to the minute, always in fashion jeans. Cough denim hotpants cough).
But why? Why this French phenomenon? There are fifty five million different squeezy toys for babies (I counted), what makes Soph different? I’ll hazard a few (dodgy) guesses….
Madam Chair, Ladies and Gentleman of the pro Gina Case, ladies and gentleman of the audience, I am here to state the case against Gina Ford (GF). (I have no idea if that’s the way you open a formal debate as was never on a debating team, but it sounds something like something I heard in a film once). Let me first address the arguments of the opposition. This should be quite quick as most of Kate’s points were not arguments about the merits of Gina Ford at all but a lightweight description of a routine and some, not all that compelling (other than sleeping through) claimed benefits to following the GF method.

My favourite book. Get your hands on it.
Or so the song goes. These are actually a few of my favourite children’s picture books for the under 5s. I know, I know, there are literally thousands of wonderful books, and as clever and efficient as I am, I haven’t quite got through them all. Astounding I realise.
My requirements for being added to this illustrious list include gorgeous illustrations, fun or charming stories (a sense of humour doesn’t go astray) and something that I don’t want to set fire to the fortieth time I read it. And I have to admit a terrible bias towards Australian books here – I don’t know if it’s because some of them reflect my own childhood stories, or their cheekiness just appeals to me, but I have to put it out there.
So to keep you going while I make my way through every single children’s book in the world, here are some of my favourites:

This is like a picture of me at the dentist. I know - bad hair day.
Ages ago I wrote a post about baby things I had bought that I had wasted money on. I made a rash promise to post my spreadsheet of things that you SHOULD buy. Four months later I am coming good with my promise. I know. I’m reliable like that. You should hear my promises to my dentist – they are nothing short of inspiring and involve trips to hygienists, dental floss and 45 degree brushing angles.
Anyway, I digress. I know that interesting dentistry anecdotes is a post in itself but baby stuff I promised and baby stuff you shall have. There are many many things to buy when you are having a baby. And many many shops and online stores from which to buy these essentials. I say essentials. In actual fact, apart from a cot, a pram and some clothes, you’d be hard pressed to say anything was truly essential. But we are what we are. Well, actually, I am what I am. You may well be a far more worthy and green type person who buys the minimum, recycles stuff, freecycles it back into the community and is generally a better, kinder and more annoying person than me. If you are, can I suggest you stop reading? I think you will not enjoy my list of essentials.
Babyology reported recently on the new concept-stage monitor in the works by Danish company Sikker. Monitors are going stellar with monitorisation of the baby´s body temperature and heart rate rather than just old sound and movement.
But what do you actually need out of a baby monitor?