Top 5 Comments New Mums Would Rather Not Hear
I’ve just rounded out 6 months of new motherhood (actually the second new motherhood, if you know what I mean) and Kate 6 weeks, so I thought it would be timely to give you my list of top 5 things new Mums don’t like to hear.
- When are you due? I think we all understand why this is number 1. No need to draw a picture. Only marginally better than the straight out, not quite as innocent and far more direct, “God you’ve still got quite a stomach, when does it go down?”
- Is that your grandson? GUTTING. I saw an actual real life exchange of this very nature. “No, this is my son” came restrained answer through gritted teeth as veins visibly throbbed in the neck. As a helpless bystander to this train wreck I mentally tried to stop the words as they came out of the offender’s mouth and jam them back in from whence they came, visualising myself goalkeeper style diving to catch them before they reached the victim’s ears. Alas, there was no hope. Those words slammed like a freight train in to new mum’s stomach so hard you could almost hear the air knocked out of her.
- Shouldn’t the baby be sleeping through the night by now? For some people, like Kate, this is a welcome opportunity to brag about his or her baby sleeping through the night from 6 weeks old due entirely to their faithful adherence to the principals of Gina Ford. For most sleep-deprived parents, however, it’s just a moment when you’d like to punch the person asking this question in the face but not before you’ve explained that of course, yes, they should be, and indeed would be, sleeping through if it weren’t for your burning desire to wake up in the middle of the night and wake your sleeping baby for an unnecessary and unrequested feed.
- Oh he has your <insert unwelcome and previously unnoticed physical feature you were until now unaware you possessed>! Any delusions you still held about your better features are smashed pretty quickly when the gates open for an uninhibited discussion of your gene pool. For example, “Oh his face his just like yours; it’s so perfectly round you could put a clock arm on his nose and tell the time”. So not the razor sharp cheekbones and visible bone structure I hoped I possessed then? Or, “Look they both have your big mouth”. It seems they have not inherited the Angelina Jolie luscious full mouth I imagined everyone envied me for. No, just a disproportionately large mouth cavity. And speaking of physical features..
- OMG your breasts are massive. On the one hand it’s nice for the usually flat chested to have their breasts finally grab some attention for something other than their conspicuous absence. On the other hand the surprise in peoples’ voices just reminds you how much smaller they were before and soon will be again. I imagine for generally large breasted people it’s just more of the same thing they’ve had to deal with all their life and for the normally perfectly sized it’s a brief and possibly enjoyable period of seeing what it’s like to be “busty” without wearing a wonderbra. Hopefully for them the busty period also coincides with summer so they can wear crochet string bikinies, low cut dresses and generally very little.