Feel the fear (of rain) and do it anyway.

Children. Rain. Holidays. Could three words inspire more fear?

my alternative rain lifestyle

I love my children. Most of the time. Well, except when they are being really really really annoying. Or when it is raining and they are inside with me. ALL DAY. Despite the fact that it is September and supposedly not yet winter, we need to remember that this is England and there is a lot of rain. And cold. Even in summer. So they are inside with me. And when I say with me – I mean crawling over me, tugging my legs, putting their sticky little fingers all over my cream couches (I know, but it was before kids ok) and kicking their grubby little feet into my computer screen. I may well be going mental. Just mildly and quite quietly (depending on who you ask) but mental all the same.

We are looking at a holiday in the English countryside in the next few weeks (yep, I’m not sure why either although I am looking for a reason to wear my Hunters and I do love a pub lunch) and the forecast is for gale-force winds, thunderstorms and potentially snowfall. OK, the snow is in Scotland where we aren’t planning on going, but rain, snow, what’s the difference with small children? Well, except that snow is quite fun. God, do I sound bitter? I’m not. Well, ok I am. And if my husband sees this we might not be going on holiday anywhere – I call my comments ‘constructive weather/holiday location criticism’. He calls it ‘whingeing’.

Seriously – what do other people do? I am absolutely useless at anything involving scrap paper, play dough or glue. We have also almost fully exhausted the potential of the train tracks. So far other activities I have come up with for entertaining children in the rain include:

• Take them to coffee. Mum gets to eat cake, children make a mess with baby cappuccinos.
• Put a sheet over a table, convince them it is an amazing tent and throw food under the sheet every half hour while you lie on the sofa researching child-free holidays in Mauritius.
• Take them to jump in puddles. Children get to make mess in water, mum gets to stand in rain damp and bored looking mildly enthusiastic about grubby muddy pools of water.
• Push the kids around in the pram in the rain looking in shop windows. Pretend it is not raining, they are not both crying in the pram, and all is well. Maybe look a bit weird and bag lady like.
• Put a movie on television. By providing the children with popcorn and ice-creams and sitting down beside them you can fully convince yourself you are ‘having a fun indoor movie day on a rainy day’ as per all lists of fun things to do with kids. Rather than, say, letting them watch TV all day with junk food.
• Encourage children to play a fun game involving hairdryer being the jet engine of an airplane as you dry your wet and frizzy hair.
• Wrap children in rain gear and send them outside to play in the garden. Pretend their tearful faces at the window are just an art installation.
• Remember all those people who offered to help out when your kids were born? Ring them and tell them you’d like to take them up on their offer. When they point out that was several years ago, get very offended and tell them that you didn’t realise there was a time limit on their offer.
• Take children to coffee. Dad gets to eat cake. Children run riot around café. Mum lies on sofa at home.

That’s it. I’m struggling. If you want some more professional ideas that involve creativity and/or good mothering, please see here, here, here and here. If you’ve got any other genius ideas, please let me know.

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