At what point will people laugh at me in the streets? The wearing of leather trousers.

baaaaaaaaaa

So I had a long post written this evening all about the hell of school holidays. (I may still post it, it’s mildly diverting awesome, so look out for it. Witty and insightful.) Then I was going to write about the political stalemate in Australia. (Not really, although obviously I have been contacted a lot with my political pundit background). But then I decided that I need to be true to myself. What do they always say – write about what you know? So I’m writing about a big issue that has been plaguing me all week. Leather trousers. I know – you thought we were covering the big issues before, what with soccer kisses and Ikea, but we have got even MORE highbrow.

Specifically, can a mother in her mid-30s (at what point do your mid thirties become your late thirties? I think 39 personally) get away with leather trousers? Even more specifically:

• In what area of her life will she be wearing them?  Will she ever actually put them on or will they be assigned to what her husband refers to as the ‘aspirational’ section of her wardrobe? Alongside the summer garden party frocks (I live in England), the white trousers (I have children) and the 6 inch velvet heels (although how good would these look with the leather trousers? VERY good, that’s how good.)
• How far along the nursery run will she actually get wearing leather trousers – as far as the front gate or to the nursery door, before getting laughed off the streets? Has any other human ever pushed a double buggy wearing leather trousers? Is it legal or will I be arrested by the World Fashion Police?
• Do they have to be worn with the £445 Moschino pussy bow blouse and Louboutin heels as per this month’s Vogue in order to carry them off, or could they equally successfully be worn with a Jigsaw white shirt and Top Shop heels which are more in this month’s budget?
• And on the budgeting front, I fear this may be a case of ‘buy cheap, buy twice’, as dictated by one of my more fashionable friends. Do I need to make a sneaky purchase from net-a-porter and thus face the wrath of Captain Sensible, or could I skimp with a pair from asos? The woman in question would be after a slinky silhouette with never-ending legs. Does skimping actually mean she will be wearing pleather with unfortunate mum-bum long bottom going on behind? And exactly HOW much money does one have to spend to fashion never-ending legs out of relatively stumpy 5”4 legs?

I can’t carry on the pretence any longer. It’s me. I want the leather trouser. I have never actually tried on the leather trousers. I suspect this should be a ‘buy-online-and-try-in-privacy-of-own-home-scenario’. Possibly in company of doctor friend who is known for honesty (it was she who talked my down from sporting a jaunty little tutu to a Christmas party. I still think I could pull it off). Also, she would come in handy when I break out in nasty rash caused by wearing of high-waisted pleather.

So, thoughts. Am I alone in my desire to wear leather this season? Southern hemisphere people – you may scoff now, but mark my words – you will be bookmarking this page and coming back to it to ponder this great debate next season. Northern hemisphere people – are you with me or are you making ‘baaaaa’ noises at the mutton?

photo credit: Tardiskey

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