22
May
2010
Gina Ford – The case Against
Adapting to the GF routines, about as easy to follow as a badly translated technical manual
Madam Chair, Ladies and Gentleman of the pro Gina Case, ladies and gentleman of the audience, I am here to state the case against Gina Ford (GF). (I have no idea if that’s the way you open a formal debate as was never on a debating team, but it sounds something like something I heard in a film once). Let me first address the arguments of the opposition. This should be quite quick as most of Kate’s points were not arguments about the merits of Gina Ford at all but a lightweight description of a routine and some, not all that compelling (other than sleeping through) claimed benefits to following the GF method.
I will argue that the routines, while they may well lead to a more contented baby than one who is currently being allowed to reach a point of overtiredness, are not the only way. There are other ways to reach the same outcome by addressing the same problems. Secondly, I’ll argue that it is unreasonably difficult for both parents and babies to adapt to a routine that is not their own, making the aforementioned alternatives to the GF method more attractive than the GF routines themselves and, for the many who can’t adapt to the routines, guaranteed to be more effective. Thirdly, I assert that, rather than an innocuous alternative method, there for the taking or leaving, Gina Ford and her followers, in the process of claiming the method as the only alternative for curing anything from poor feeding to colic, direct desperate, tired and stressed parents of newborns down a path that leads to more stress and feelings of failure.
It doesn’t solve anything that can’t be solved by other means
The Gina Ford routines ensure your baby never gets overtired by instructing you to put your baby to sleep frequently and at intervals reasonable to expect a newborn to need. It ensures that the baby is well fed before it is time to sleep. That will certainly result in a more contented baby than one that is frequently allowed to get overtired. But you can achieve this without the GF routines.
If you learn to pick up the cues for when your baby is tired before he is overly tired, hungry before he is desperate, you’ll overcome the same problems. Once you’ve learned to read the signs, without the stress, crying and hassle of not feeding your baby when they’re hungry, waking it when it’s sleeping and all the other extra hassle of adapting your child to a routine that is not it’s own, as is required for the GF method, you too will have a contented baby and you will be a lot more adaptive and responsive to changes in it’s needs.
Having said that, I have to give credit where credit is due. GF claims to have your baby sleeping through at 8 weeks and possibly before. I concede that the one person I know who has successfully applied the GF routines, Kate, had her babies sleeping through the night before anyone else I know – the first at 6 weeks and the other well before 3 months. And yes, they are calm and contented babies.
But how many GF advocates really have their baby sleeping through the night earlier than others? How many adopted the GF routines later on, after 6 months say. Most people who don’t follow the GF method find their baby settles in to their own routine and starts sleeping through at around the 6 month point. Of those GF advocates that have their baby sleeping through the night before 6 months – does it perhaps have more to do with other techniques such as controlled crying, rather than the GF routines themselves?
The other argument that advocates of GF may point to is that the period in which you are still learning to pick up the signs and learn the lessons that help you head off overtiredness is difficult. So it makes sense that the GF method comes as a relief to those who manage to adapt their baby to it before they learn to read their baby and it’s cues. If you managed to adapt your baby to the GF routines I don’t doubt that you have a contented baby.
That, however, brings me to the crux of the problem. Adapting a baby to the GF routines is not easy and, in my experience, seemingly impossible.
Adapting to the routines:
It sounds simple and achievable enough – for a few days, keep your baby awake a little bit longer, wake them occasionally and distract them for a while if they get hungry a few minutes before the scheduled feed time. If only it were as easy as it sounds.
I went through several weeks of waking the baby up at 7 and at other times close to the assigned routine wake up times. I fed the baby when the routine dictated, even if the prior feed was late, in an attempt to ward off hunger before the next appointed feeding time. Where it went continuously and irrevocably wrong was putting the baby to sleep when the routine demanded and not feeding the baby when he was hungry.
GF says all you need to do is distract the baby when its hungry to reach scheduled feeding times, but if the baby is clearly hungry you should feed it. But then you should look at why it’s not lasting until the next feed. Apparently it is either not getting a decent feed at the prior feeding time (in which case there is an elaborate and not at all effortless plan to increase your milk supply with a lot of expressing – which when you’re feeding every three hours seems to be me pretty much impossible to follow), or…well..nothing. GF insists that if you keep persisting, which means a lot of time dealing with a crying, hungry baby, it will just eventually fit in to the schedule. Well, mine didn’t.
We couldn’t extend the feed time to four hours and there was no problem with the prior feed. We know this because the suggestion the baby was not feeding properly set off anxieties about not having enough milk and we topped up the feeds with formula or expressed milk. The baby vomited from overfeeding. And it still didn’t make it to the next GF feed time.
Then there are the tactics to get your baby sleeping through. You are required to give half feeds when the baby wakes and then the top up feed at the time it “should’ be getting through to. This means weeks of waking up twice as much as necessary and trying to get a baby to return to sleep after a half feed when it isn’t satisfied. Not to mention waking up early to express. In the end, I preferred to just get up, give the feed, and get the baby and I back to sleep for as long as possible.
The other part of adapting to the routine in which we continuously failed was putting the baby down to sleep. I don’t know how Kate and other Gina supporters have managed to follow the routines, except possibly if their baby never, ever cried when it was time to go to sleep. Instructions for following the routine: “settle baby in his cot…”. That’s it. No, if you’re baby is crying or won’t settle do x, try y. So, scouring the book (yet again) you’ll find GF doesn’t advocate leaving a young baby to cry. Nor does she advocate rocking them to sleep or holding them. So I’m at a loss as to what she thinks you should do in this circumstance. She simply doesn’t say.
Read the section on colic (thinking this may give you some hint of how to put a crying baby in to the routine), you will find the reason your baby has colic and is therefore crying is because it’s not on one of her routines. Whilst it’s an interesting circular argument, it hardly leads you to a solution on how to adapt to the routines.
Routines may not be for you but if your baby is doing anything but sleeping beatifically, eating healthily and smiling constantly, it’s because you’re not following my routines. And I can cure colic.
Gina Ford concedes that routines may not be for everybody. She then goes on however to assert that everything from not sleeping well, not sleeping through, feeding too often, being irritable and pretty much any imaginable problem you could have with a baby is due to the fact that you are not following her routines.
This argument is at it’s strongest in the section under Colic. “These babies all have one thing in common: they are all being fed on demand”, “not one of the babies I have cared for has ever suffered from colic and I am convinced it is because I structure their feeding and eating from day one”.
For desperate parents, advised by doctors and experts the world over that there is no cure for colic, someone asserting that they have the cure with a routine and a little bit of sugar water is an appealing but misleading claim.
And that’s what makes people angry about Gina Ford. Not that she offers an alternative that you may or may not agree with, but because if you’re unfortunate enough to come across her techniques, you’re offered false authority and false hope. To then find that you can’t adapt to these routines is very, very disheartening and more stress on top of an already very stressful situation. Which is a very bad thing for already stressed parents. That’s what drives people to hide her books in bookstores.
I’m not saying that there is nothing useful in Gina Ford’s approach. Gina Ford is a very experienced child carer that has some valuable and helpful insights to offer. For example, GF asserts that her routines cure colic because “feeding …(on demand) all too often leads to the baby having a feed before the first one has been digested, one of the reasons I believe may cause colic”. I support the suggestion that you can easily confuse a colicky baby’s distress with hunger and you do need to put a limit on the frequency of the feed to avoid worsening the situation. But that doesn’t require you follow her routines or mean her routines will cure your baby of colic. This kind of occasional insight would be helpful if it wasn’t accompanied by the rest of her method, and helpful insights can certainly be found elsewhere.
So my conclusion is simple, GF may work if you can adapt to the routines but the routines put so much unnecessary pressure and stress on families she should be avoided and you can achieve the same outcome in other ways.
Learning to avoid overtiredness in your baby is fundamental to a contented baby, not forcing it in to someone else’s routine. Taking every opportunity to feed your baby during the day rather than night will help you reach the point of getting your baby to sleep through. There are a myriad of other actions and general principals that will help you and your baby be more calm and happy. You can learn them, you probably already know them, without attempting to adopt to the Gina Ford method. Which makes the GF routines simply not worth it.
Great topic close to most new mum’s hearts.
Routines are the answer from my experience but you’ve got to find the right routine for your child. GF is just one of many routines. There’s Tizzy Hall and others including the Masada sleep school in St Kilda East. Or you may just figure yours out yourself – but it’s harder. A week’s stay at Masada taught me the key to a contented baby is one who knows how to settle themselves. And that’s about controlled comforting – their process is 2 minutes of crying, then comforting.. baby on its side and patting on the hip with a “shhhhh”… in increased increments up to 10mins during the day, 20 mins at night. It works. And sticking to sleeps at home at definitive times.. never waiver… until baby is totally in the groove. hard work but worth it.
for an older baby, 6 months or so, you need a comfort toy and a completely dark and quiet room for sleeping. the bonus is you get thighs of steel after crouching beside baby and patting …
Don’t start me… ok, do.
I REALLY admire and wish I could be a GF fan. Yes, I said it – sorry Jac! But a girl has got to be honest with herself and what is realistic. GF ain’t for me. I love my lie-in, both babies are relatively late wakers, I had a toddler when Baby 2 came along and husband can be unreliable (but hardworking of course!). Living away from family also meant that I couldn’t rely on a mum, MIL, auntie or brother to help out if the routine got too much.
The fact is though, babies love routines. And, if you like to follow a baby rearing routine, there will always be an element of something that does not seem so instinctive to a new Mum e.g. shush-pat for an hour before putting down, waking to feed, having playtime after huge feed when have fallen drunk asleep, allowing baby to cry to settle (and then sleep!).
Do think it’s really important to remember that feeding & sleeping and all the issues around this are so, so, so inter-dependent and if one goes awry, the other follows soon even at 13 months! This is not stressed enough here in UK. I did not accept this properly until Minx was 8 months. Agree with Kate a – getting a baby to learn to settle itself is key and comfort feeding is not a long term option for those that like their sleep. I have learned that means Minx likes to scream herself awake and then back to sleep at times. I have had to accept this is normal although most would disagree I know. Sticking to sleeps at home has made the world of difference to us too (BUT big disadvantage is that I now have a baby that is not a fan of the pram sleep)
So for those who are interested, here are my thoughts on some of my key advisors:
1) I loved the basis for the US Baby Whisperer – Tracey Hogg (perfect for Baby 1). Seemed instinctive and warm. Focus on pattern of activity rather than exact timing. Not aiming to get your baby sleeping through the night as primary focus; more just to be happy!
2) For Baby 2, I found myself calling upon Irish/Aussie Baby Whisperer Tizzie Hall for specific tips/practical advice that I couldn’t find in the other usual suspects – e.g. bottle refusal, bedding guide (is my baby waking b/c too cold/hot). She is really a cross between GF and Tracey Hogg but more practical. Her blog is excellent and I have dealt with her personally on many issues when not looking for personal advice just looking to buy her brochures on these issues.
3) Then, discovered an angel lady here in UK too late. Her aim is to get baby sleeping through the night at 8 weeks. You could say she is a bit like GF but she is a mother herself and uses her grandson as her recent case study (a difficult baby to start it seemed). She is also a trained nurse and midwife and still works alongside the medical profession e.g. paediatric gastro-enterologists so for refluxxy/windy/unhappy babies – you are not forgotten. For those of you with multiples on the way – she is your lady too! This is her speciality. She allowed me to book her in advance for a 3 night stay should I not be able to resolve “the Minx’s” waking/screaming episodes ourselves on a no obligation basis. I also trialled her pay-by-the-minute personal phone advice offering (not sure she still does this). I didn’t end up needing her to live-in (long story..). Her name was Alison Scott-Wright and she has recently published a book called something like “The Sensational Baby Sleep Plan”. See Amazon.co.uk for reviews. She believes and addresses reflux, night waking, dropping feeds etc. If Baby 3 came along for us, she’d be my woman from Day 1. A mixture of all the above experts.
Thanks chics! I think I may have been unclear in relation to routines – I like them. I agree they work. And sleeping – I agree that babies need to be taught to settle themselves.
But I think the babies slip in to their own routines if you follow their cues – which is I believe a little bit like the approach of Tracy Hogg. Although I have to say until 6 months my babies routine changed a bit every day, they’re growing so quickly and their needs are changing, and each baby at different rates, so I don’t agree that all babies can be forced in to a strict (unchanging until x GF dictated date) routine at 6 weeks.
Monkey learned how to settle himself after the colic settled down – which, as in most cases, was around 3 months. So before that, trying to force him to settle when he was in considerable discomfort by leaving him to cry would I think have been an error. As soon as the colic passed he started to settle himself. Sure he woke up once in the 12 hours from 7pm to 7am for a feed, but as soon as solids were established that more or less stopped – which again, I think demonstrates he was genuinely hungry when he was waking for a feed before that.
I guess that’s the most complicated thing about this debate, there are so many different approaches and mixes of approaches, so you do need to listen out for solutions and advice that might work in your case. Just don’t be convinced that GF is the only way and persist with something that causes more problems than solutions.
Oh come one – Gina is the One, The Only, The Light and the True Way.
Give in – you will be welcome in our church you non-believers.
Sorry can not be more supportive Kate, especially as I was GF’s number 1 fan for baby number 1. Unfortunately as baby 2 and baby 3 came along I found it completely unrealistic. I would not have been able to go anywhere – something that does not work with an active toddler . And I hate to say Sam and Oscar (2 and 3) are just as good sleepers as William (number 1) was. Which leads me to believe that Gina is a load of crap and a lot of it came down to my levels of confidence and hence relaxation as a mother. With my first I needed someone to tell me what to do with this tiny being I created. With 2 and 3 I trusted my instincts and learned to listen to what my baby was telling me. And I got out of the house for a coffee….
I agree with Tory, did the Silent nights book routine for baby 1, did it religiously, he slept through from 6 weeks…thought how easy is this. Baby #2 thought do the same thing, bit harder though as toddler #1 needs attention as well,baby #2 has to be a bit more adaptive to its routine however with extra parental confidence and understanding babies can cry for a while while you change others nappy etc hey presto it starts sleeping through around 10 weeks. Along comes baby # 3, silent nights now long forgotten (who has time to re read) and it just has to fit in to kinder drop offs/pick ups (baby #1) sleep and eating patterns (baby #2) and parents on the edge needing to get out but as long as he wasn’t hungry he slept ok, admittedly took longer with baby # 3 but we survived and he will sleep anywhere now he is 3 because he has always had to as he didn’t get the luxury of perfect routines.
I would look in to the psychological effects in the baby brain of crying without comfort and the effects of silent crying; when the baby is so over crying with no response, that they adapt by silently crying and the MRI scans show how the release of stress hormones floods their brain and could possibly lead to a lifetime of no expressing feelings. I feel that routine is important, but that babies have their own routine anyway and it is empowering and reassuring to both parent and child for the child to be intuitively followed and responded to… rather than led. Of course, parenting does involve a huge amount of leading.. but every child is different and (personally) should be adapted to accordingly, especially in the first 18 months, when they are dependent on their cargiver and attachment is being formed. Attachment parenting, based on attachment theory and affective neuroscience, including the last information from the neuroscientific world regarding baby and toddler brain development, shows that it is the form of a healthy attachment that allows the brain to optimally develop, especially he orbitol frontal cortex, that sorts and determines social information for the rest of life. Also, we are sooo afraid of them being ‘too attached’ – this is an essentila stage of life, in other cultures, people sleep, wera, breast feed their children til 2 (not saying bfeeding is for everyone, especially to this age) my point is, this only leads to more independence. Independence gained at the CHILD’s pace, is more empowering and creates more security and sense of self and wellbeing than it being hurried along, which is very Western.
Another point is from an evolutionary psychological pespective; that babies are not designed to sleep through the night that early.. breast milk is lower in fat and protein that other mammals, suggesting that as animals, we are designed to be close proximity animals. Additionally, feeding in the night can also increase immunity, reduce the risk of reduced milk production, increase closeness, increase weight gain, and rlight sleep helps reduce the risk of SIDS. However, I will not deny routine is vital and saving grace for many mums and dads, just can apply the concept of holding, soothing and help babies regulate themselves within a routine is far preferable.
Books that reference all this are :
“Parenting from the Inside, Out” By Daniel Seigel
“Attachment Parenting”
“Continuum COncept”
“Nighttime parenting” Dr Sears
“Attached at the Heart”
“Why Love is Important”
“The Sciene of Parenting”
…sorry, don’t have author names infront of me, and off for my nap as my wee one is
wil find them later.
Hey Reggie – apologies your comment took so long to load, it got lost in our spam filter for some reason. Interesting points. I hesitate to get involved in the attachment parenting debate (please don’t get me started on Dr Sears, personally I feel about him the way Jacqui feels about Gina! Do you love him the way I love Gina?) – but from a Gina perspective can I just say that in no way does she suggest a baby should cry without comfort. In fact, frowned upon until at least 6 months and even then, should only be done in very small doses under supervision for specific reasons.
Tory – did you get Gina’s guide to life with a toddler and a baby. Go away and read it and join the church again ASAP.
Reggie thank you so much for the thoughtful response and list of alternative care books. Ignore Kate, as you can tell she’s quite clearly mad. She has a twitch..I’m just saying. Ok she doesn’t have a twitch, but she seriously was thinking of buying a life size poster of Gina. Ok that’s not true either. But mad nonetheless.
wow! re reading my post, I have many many typos, I do apologise and hope that it all made sense. I have so much to say on this issue and I totally respect whatever a mother may follow, because she ultimately, knows herself the best. I do believe in routines, esp for older babies and toddlers – my wee one has meals and snacks at the same time etc etc and generally naps around the same time too. My best friend in the world, is a big GF woman and this has saved her and I think she adapts it slightly and I understand the need for sleep and getting it quickly. Yet, I do believe in attachment parenting very strongly, esp after the Attachment Theory and Affecttive Neurosciene class I took during my studies and also from experience of working with clients and women with Eating Disorders – I truly, truly believe our life is so, so shaped by the first 2-3 years of life, actually up until 5 and also, I believe the first 18 months are crucial and babies need to be with their mothers/fathers/care givers as much as possible. This does not, by any means, mean there should be no routine. What I find off putting is the lack of emphasis in our world on this rship with our children and the quest to rush, potentially rewarding, life enhacing and bonding experiences.
) whose parents practiced AP and they are compassionate and lovely children/teenagers to be around – this to me, on top of my intuition, swayed me. Yet, I do get the whole routine and admit to sometimes being secretly, envious of my friends whose children are out like a light at 7pm 
sipping on a bottle to sleep. Thanks for the lively debate and I will look for those authors for everyone. Oh – and a middle ground book, for those who like the idea of some AP practices, but need a routine and sleep sooner rather than later, is Elizabeth Pantely’s book “The No Cry Sleep Solution” she had 4 children, all with different temperaments, sleeping patterns etc, was a Nurse too and is well informed. She practiced breast feeding and co-sleeping and this is how she got her every hour waking son to sleep while still doing this and compassionately and tenderly – ok, it didn’t work for me, but I think it works for many people.
I personally believe in the amazing bonding of either co-sleeping or close proximity sleeping, breast feeding and personally, extended breastfeeding (full of controversy and freaking people out that one) or bottle feeding with an attachment style and if those don’t work for you I especially believe in baby wearing – there is much science and research behind this, not merely a different cultural perspective. But remember many, if not most cultures do this and we did it here until about the 40′s … but, I also recognise we have to adapt to our way of living; returining to work etc etc, lack of the extended family too. Yet, baby wearing can be done in the evening and week ends, as well as close proximity sleeping- even more important when the parent is away during the day. Babies do not have memories of their mothers or of their own body; sleeping near them, soothing them, touching them etc is crucial for them to learn about themselves and to learn that they matter.
Look, I fall short of my ideals, almost daily when I snap at my toddler and not respond as I want to. However, I have observed the children (some of them now 12-13-15 and all independent beings sleeping in their own room etc etc
I totally and utterly agree that babies need a routine. By that I do mean a routine (i.e. responding appropriately, sensitively and consistently to a baby’s needs) and NOT A SCHEDULE. The latter is what GF is all about and with that I’m afraid you become a clock watcher. This is definitely not in the best interests of any baby (or parent for that matter).
Whatever happened to getting to know your own baby and learning what their little noises and cries are telling you. Why on earth would you refer to a book written by a “1950s style Nanny” (who has no children of her own I hasten to add) that tells you when your baby should sleep, eat, wake-up etc. Why wouldn’t any parent want to work these things out for themselves? One size (the GF way) does not fit all!
I am a first time mum and I have a 19 week old daughter. I had heard about Gina Ford when I was pregant and thought it sounded excellent. I bought the book and read it. It didn’t feel right. Then I realised why when my baby was born – it completely and utterly goes against every biological and instinctive urge in my body.
Don’t get my wrong, my baby is in a routine – when she is hungry, she is fed, when she is tired (I know when she is) she goes for a sleep and in the evenings she goes to bed at more or less the same time. She sleeps very well – in fact, she has “gone through the night” since a very young age and this is purely by her own doing – I have never had to try and manipulate this for my own gain. My daughter is by far a “Contended Little Baby” but she is so because we are in tune with each other – she communicates with me and I read and understand her very well and respond accordingly – she rarely cries and only ever does so when she is unwell etc.
To adhere to GF you lose what is a natural and rewarding part of being a mum – the ability to understand your own child.
However, I suppose that every mother is different and the reasons for entering into motherhood will also be very different, together with expectations on how life with a baby should be etc.
In my opinion, GF’s book should be renamed “The Contended Parent” book because it is so geared towards the needs (wants!) of parents and really doesn’t have any babies interests at heart. A baby might seem contended as a result of the GF schedule but is he/she really? Maybe their spirit is just broken and they don’t protest anymore …… Indeed, GF might “work” but if you follow it, I don’t think you will ever really get to know your baby ……
AJ, I totally agree with you about getting to know your baby – something that has to be learned and in the early days, before you’ve acquired those skills, the whole newborn experience can be really stressful. Which is why so many people look to baby advice books. Unfortunately, rather than help, trying to follow GF just made everything worse for me. So I’m not sure The Contented Parent would be a suitable title either!
Reggie – again your comment got lost, so apologies it has appeared that late. OMG, I can’t believe I am saying this but you have actually got me interested in AP. Also, I love to learn a new acronym and I will be dropping AP into conversations this week. You make some seriously interesting points, and I am witcha on the 18 month caregiver thing (backed up by zero research unlike yourself) – some days I ponder never going back to work and just focussing 100% on my children for their young years (and then my 2 year old scribbles black pen all over my new trousers and I rethink) – and if I had a criticism of Lady Gina (forgive me GF), then I would agree that there is a lack of emphasis on this warmth and connection.
So AJ, on this one I would agree with you. On the not knowing my children (being me/GF babies) – not so much.
Hi Jacqui, I completely agree with you in that being a new mum can be totally stressful – and indeed quite overwhelming at the start if I am honest about my own situation. I would also be lying if I said that I didn’t have any advice books on “baby sleep” etc but I do think that they can make you feel inadequate and ultimately make the situation worse. I’m drawing from my own experience by saying this. These books can however offer useful pieces of information and hints/tips (even GF has one or two solid pieces of advice!) but really for me, that’s as far as they go. What surprises me the most about these authors is that they are all so called “experts” but their views/opinions on what the “right” way is differ vastly which, for me, further confuses the situation!! You can feel very vulnerable being a new mum and there is so much pressure to get it so right. In the end, I think you just have to trust your instincts. Afterall, we are programmed biologically to do this mother thing – I think we have maybe just lost our way a wee bit. Too much information isn’t always a good thing.
Very true. Totally agree AJ!
I have sucessfully raised 3 sons and was disgusted to hear of the GF methods of leaving a baby to cry. My Neighbour started a family 3 -4 years ago and by the amount of crying that was heard form the baby – day and night I discerned that she was practising the GF method. My neighbour confirmed that this was the case.
I once heard her three month old son cry for more than two hours. This little lad is now displaying behaviour problems that seem to resemble attachment disorder.
GF methods go against natural instincts of care and amount to nothing short of neglect and abuse.
New mums should follow their instincts and all will be fine.
While I am on the anti-GF side of the debate, I have to say in Gina’s defence again that she does not advocate leaving a baby to cry for hours and her comments regarding controlled crying are pretty mainstream – you shouldn’t try it when the baby is under 6 months and if you do you should follow a careful guide and never leave the baby uncomforted for more than – I think it’s a maximum of 15 minutes, after building up in 5 minute intervals. Don’t quote me on that but I think that’s more or less her approach and that of most controlled crying advocates. Anyway, it’s quite a separate debate to the actual Gina Ford techniques.
I also have to say, that my first reaction to hearing about your neighbour’s baby crying for hours was sympathy!
Obviously I don’t know anything about her situation and perhaps you know more but my baby cried on several, hideous, heart wrenching occassions for two hours during which I was beside myself with despair and stress. I was lucky, it wasn’t every day that he suffered these crying attacks which seemed to be due to tummy aches. Babies with serious colic go through this every single day, much to the distress of their parents. Perhaps your neighbour was trying the Gina Ford technique in an attempt to find a solution, rather than it being a consequence of applying the GF techniques. I did, at times, in my desperation. In fact I tried several approaches. I talked to anyone I could, I spent hours on the internet and reading books. I learned some new winding techniques but they didn’t really help. The answer simply is, unfortunately, that there is no answer. Something very difficult to accept and trying every technique – dubious or otherwise – is a fairly common reaction to the situation. Which is in fact, one of my objections to GF – the offer of false hope to parents with a child suffering colic.
I’m absolutely with you on new Mum’s being encouraged to follow their instincts and being steered away from GF, but I think it’s really important to be try and understand what struggling mum’s are going through.
I really, really, really should bit my tongue. Failing.
Linda – sorry, but as a GF-following mum, I think suggesting that I am subjecting my children to neglect and abuse is pretty harsh. And yes, Jacqui is right – Gina does in no way suggest leaving a baby to cry.
Many years ago (and for some lucky people still) new mums were surrounded by community, extended family, often living in the same area, if not same house. Personally, as a mum a million miles from any of that, I’ll take guidance where it makes sense to me, and Gina god bless her bossy socks, does it for me and my children.
I’ll get back to you Kate, and so sorry I have not replied yet, we live in Brazil and I was visiting family/friends in Spain and UK when I first wrote and we’re back here – was a bit crazzzy. Actually quite glad you’re interested in AP – think it is a little misunderstood and will write more.
All I got to say, is this motherhood stuff is difficult stuff, esp with the stress of modern life for women and families and esp away from families – it has been SO SO hard for me living here (a whole other subject) and I fall short all the time, esp as the wee one gets older and it becomes more ‘challenging’, although AP does have a lot to say about how we communicate and understand toddlers. Yet, some days, when tired etc etc I can be snappy, unpleasant to my lovely, sprite of a daughter and say and do things I regret later, but AP has been a good guide. I think that GF ways and AP can co-exist… will write more soon. Thanks for the input
[...] Anyway, there’s a starting point. There are so many amazing sites to do with kids parties. Here are just a few, if you have any more pointers or sites, please leave a comment below. We do not bite. Very often. Unless you bag or praise Gina. [...]
My husband and I adopted our daughter and she arrived with us at 2 weeks. We stater applying the Gina Ford routine the next day.
As a new mom, getting my daughter to adapt was a harrowing experience for me, waking her up and keeping her awake was very hard. It will go down as one of the most stressful experiences I’ve ever had.But with my husband’s support and understanding, we persevered. And I swear, I will never regret that one month of sacrifice – it’s given us MONTHS of joy.
My daughter, from the word go, was a calm, happy baby, thanks to the routine. She has been sleeping through since six weeks. I stuck to the feeding times but fed her whenever she needed more – and we NEVER had to do controlled crying – she was tired when it was her time to sleep. I am so blessed because when she is awake, she gets undivided attention. We are all rested and content and enjoy every minute we spend together – no overtired Mom and Dad. We are the envy of all our friends as we still manage to go out on “date night” every few weeks, and our baby-sitter has never seen my daughter awake. We get to work well rested and know our daughter is content.
I know many people who couldn’t handle the stress of the Gina Ford routine, with one particular couple still now wake up 3 times a night, and their baby is 2 years old! I also know many who stuck through it. The Gina Ford routine is a personal choice, one I do not regret making and am thankful I heard about. I would advise anyone to try it.
GO Kahmiela – you are the kind of person we want to have around here. Although I am sorry to hear it was so harrowing for you. So will you try it with any future babies do you think?
My second is now 13 months and I still bless Gina’s strict cotton socks every day….
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I was a huge GF fan with my first son as I needed tons of direction and help. He naturally fell into the sleep times the routines suggested, fed very well and lasted until the next feeds without any troubles and he slept through the night from a very young 4 weeks of age allowing my to always do his late night feeds while he slept. However, my second baby is a different story. I agree with Tory above because I would NEVER be able to accomplish anything with the life of my busy toddler and new baby if I was strictly following the routines. My new baby has to take her morning nap wherever we are, as we are on the go in the mornings more often than not. The afternoon nap usually is at home, but not always. As for the sleep through the night? Not quite. The feeds are not every 3 hours either. My new baby drinks and then has to digest for about 20 minutes before drinking more. When I talked to a LaLeche League rep I was enlightened to the magic of breastfeeding – for a baby, a mother’s milk is not always about food. Breastmilk is an immune system booster (so when your baby feels an illness coming on, he/she needs more of your milk), a diuretic, an antacid and a thirst quencher. A baby waking through the night to feed is not about the failure to adhear to a rigid schedule, but perhaps the milk is then serving the baby a different purpose. GF’s routines and books would suggest that I need to give my baby less daytime sleep perhaps, or maybe supplement with formula. Fortunately, while I appreciate the wisdom Gina gave me in giving me direction with my firstborn – I am more than willing to sacrifice sleeping all through the night to be there for my new baby when he needs my milk for any reason, as he knows what is best for him – and thankfully, he’s always getting my milk. Now that he is older, his needs are different and he sleeps through the night more often.
I forgot to add that I never left either of my boys to cry to settle to sleep – I applied Tracy Hogg’s shush-pat method from very early on and all I ever had to do was lay them in bed, pat a few times and they would drift off on their own – never a cry down in sight