Gina Ford – the case FOR.

Do not set one of those up in your back garden to burn books. This would be weird.

Oh my god, my pulse is racing, my heart is beating faster and I can hear Jacqui yelling from Madrid. It’s that time. Time for the post I have been thinking about since we started the blog. The Dame Gina Ford post.

If you’ve had a child in the past ten odd years in the UK or Australia, you’d have to be a bit lacking in eyes and/or ears to have missed one of her books on the parenting bookshelves, seen referenece to her methods on the internet or heard mention of her routines from other parents. The most popular book is The Very Contented Baby, but there are various follow-ups including The Contented Baby with Toddler.

At the outset, I need to divulge something that might already be obvious – I love Gina. There, I’ve said it. It’s out there. Let the stabbings commence and the bags full of poo start arriving on our doorstep, but it is true – her methods have worked like an incredible charm for our family and Gina (or The Big G (TBG) as we prefer to call her) rules the child routine roost around at our pad.

For those who know nothing about her, or those who have heard mention but never read a book, or even those who bought the book but burned it on a ceremonial pyre after day 1 back from hospital (yes I really did meet someone who did that – until then she had seemed relatively normal. There is also a group of people who go around hiding Gina’s books in bookshops. I kid you not – she brings out the nutter in people) here are a few things you should think about before you decide if TBG is for you:

• You have to be prepared to wake up your sleeping child in the early months, and try to keep them awake at times when they may want to sleep. If you don’t think you want to do that (which is perfectly reasonable, lots of people think this is the worst thing you could possibly do), then stop reading now – Gina is not for you.
• If you are an often running late, no routine, fly by the seat of your pants type of person who couldn’t think of anything worse than following a life dictated by a set routine then no, Gina is most definitely not for you.
• You have to be prepared to let some of your life go. There is no doubt that for the first few months at least, your life will be ruled by a routine. This is something I struggled with for a long time – I was very keen on the baby-under-the-pub-table, life-remaining-exactly-the-same kind of approach, until a wise friend pointed out that I had in fact had a baby and needed to get used to the reality that my life had changed. Yes, I know the mewling bundle of joy attached to me 6 times a day should have been a bit of a giveaway – but I was in denial OK?
• The routines do fit in with breastfeeding methods. I managed 6 months this last go round and know many others who successfully breastfed for a lot longer. But she is most certainly not about feed on demand, so if this is the way that works for you – ditch plans for Gina.
• You have to follow the book almost to the letter (ok, even I ignored the bit about ‘mother must have tea and toast at 10am’ and you don’t have to follow the expressing rules if you don’t want to). But Gina is not a book for dipping in and out of. You are either doing Gina or you aren’t.  No sleeping in past 7am (well, not until you are done with breastfeeding and BLESSED OF ALL DAYS someone else can feed the baby), no gallivanting around with babies sleeping in a pram willy nilly and no smiling (except when Gina says so) – you need to feed your baby by 7.30am, you need to put your baby down to sleep at 9.15am, you need to wake your baby up at 10am etc etc.  I have heard many many people who ‘tried’ Gina – but on further investigation, it turns out they tried the routines vaguely for a few days, or they tried it completely but only for one day, or they did everything except the morning sleep….No, this is no ConLib coalition – you’re either in or you’re out (note clever political reference showing well rounded parent – I thank Gina for this also. Most good things in life can be attributed to Gina really.)
• Gina is bossy. Her tone is patronising and you do have a vision of a very large and very scary English nanny in your head when you are reading her books. Maybe because that is exactly what she is. Gina has many rules – you either follow them or you don’t do Gina. Darkened rooms, sleeping in cots, no mobiles over cots, no napping in bouncers. Anarchists, do not apply. Gina is most definitely of the view that the world should be run by TBG – there is no  other way to bring up your baby – or at least none that will not doom you and your family to catastrophe and utter misery (and possibly even WAKING IN THE NIGHT – oh the horror).  I know this not to be true. There are at least two people I know who have not done Gina and have content children. I’m JOKING PEOPLE. Other things work for other people. I’m just here to tell you that Gina works too.

• Midwives hate Gina. Be prepared for a big argument or just hide the book when they come around. Do NOT get caught reading the book in hospital, nurses will start spitting in your food and being conveniently late with life saving painkillers (husband denies it but I know it is true).
• OMG, there are so many other issues associated with discussing this – like the moral and parenting implications in following such a method – does following this inherently make me a selfish person because I want my baby to sleep through the night and thus am putting my own needs before the baby? Or do the routines help my baby fall into a natural routine and thus encourage baby to feel comfortable and secure in a settled environment and pace? Obviously you’ll know by now which way I’m leaning but in the spirit of not writing a ten thousand word essay on the topic, or veering too deep into childrearing philosophies, I think I will leave it there.

A few Gina myths:

• Contrary to popular opinion, she doesn’t believe in ANY controlled crying for babies under 6 months and she does believe in cuddling your children and making eye contact.
• No, she doesn’t have any children of her own. Neither did my breastfeeding counsellor or my obstetrician. She has looked after more children than even my friend with the four children who knows EVERYHING.
• Once you get the hang of the routines and your baby is doing well, you can start to be a bit more flexible (SSSSHHH – don’t tell Gina). You can do more sleeps in the pram, you can play round with the sleeps a bit, you can even let them sleep past 7am. I risked it when my son was 2. The sky did not fall down.
• You can do Gina with two babies. In fact, it is surprisingly easy. Again, another curtailing of liberties for a few months til you get the hang of it and then life returns to normal. Like having two children is normal.

And for me, the advantages?

• The obvious – my children sleep through the night. All night, (almost) every night. (Random month of non-sleeping caused by fear of fireworks brought on by terrifying Guy Fawkes night and terrible parenting notwithstanding).  My 2.8 month old and 8 month old both sleep 7-7 plus a 2-3 hour sleep at lunch. I tell you this not to show off (believe me, I am planning a post on how to control a 2.8 month old that does not involve screaming like a fishwife, locking self in bathroom or strapping a TV to my head – things are far from perfect round here) but because I genuinely believe that following Gina’s routines has enabled this sleeping. You often hear that people who do Gina have babies that are ‘just lucky because they are good sleepers.’ To that, I am sorry, but here is my most controversial of all comments – to that I say bollocks. It is not a fluke. All those people are not just flukily following Gina and flukily have the right babies. Yes, some babies are probably naturally better sleepers than others. But Gina can get any baby sleeping through the night. IF YOU STICK TO THE ROUTINES TO THE LETTER. I genuinely believe that. But as stated above, you have to want to stick to this type of routine. If you don’t, (and I don’t blame you as sometimes I want to burn the books myself just not in some weird sort of pyre arrangement) and have a different way that works for you and your family, awesome. ‘Sleeping through’ is a good thing, but it is not the be all and end all of the world. Despite Dame Gina. This is not the only method in the world of raising happy and contented babies. It is just one. But I think it is one that works.
• They sleep, thus they are happy and content. (Well, they were until aforementioned 2.8 month old had a personality change and decided to become the DEVIL INCARNATE. I need more than even TBG for this one I fear.) But they definitely sleep. And 8 month old is definitely content.
• The first few months are definitely a curtailing of lifestyle. But after that I actually find the routines quite empowering? No, really – don’t stab me for use of that word – but once I get into the routines, I find it much easier to know when my children will be sleeping, eating, playing etc. I can make plans.

OK, now I suspect that Jacqui will have a little to say on this topic, so I’m giving her a few days to prepare what will undoubtedly be a fiery rebuttal. I am a little scared but come on Jac – LET ME HAVE IT.

(I was only joking about the bags of poo, please don’t send any.)

photo credit: Chas Redmond 

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