Bone Idle

I am lazy.  There’s no getting away from it.  I’m pretty sure it’s an inherent rather than a learned characteristic because  I remember my Dad singing “Lazy Bones” to me, in his best Louis Armstrong voice, when I was as young as 6 or 7,  to which I usually responded with “Am not”, “You are” and other stinging retorts, from the comfort of the couch.

My laziness is manifesting itself on this particular occasion as an aversion to cleaning the house.  I’m not working right now so we can’t really justify a cleaner. I am after all at home, not working.  I should really clean.  I should.  But I hate cleaning.  As soon as I was able I justified outsourcing this particular thorn in my side through a faithful interpretation of the economics of comparative advantage (if you can earn more per hour doing one thing – sitting sedentary at a desk for instance – for another – slugging it out scrubbing down the shower say – you definitely should. It’s more efficient.  It’s the way things should be, it’s the optimal outcome, the model says so), and I had banked on always being able to do so.  But now I earn nothing, per hour or otherwise, so the model is not working in my favour.

Apart from the actual physical exertion, I resent the time it takes.  I get a few hours a day to do stuff when the baby is either sleeping or momentarily content to be left to play alone. I know, poor me, those of you juggling 10 calls and 20 deadlines and a complete imbecile for a boss are thinking.

However, when there are only a few hours in between the admittedly not overly challenging but definitely time consuming tasks of needing to prepare dinner, throw on some washing (I don’t even have to iron as The Spaniard likes to do his own shirts – due to my inadequacy as an ironer, not something I am deeply sorry about), and feed Monkey three times a day (plus several failed attempts because it was too early, too late, too close to the bottle, he didn’t like that particular dish, or, as the nappy later indicates, he was concentrating on digestion rather than consumption at the time…or any other matter of variables), you kind of yearn for the times you can do stuff you are genuinely interested in doing.  Today for instance I MUST read the Fuggirls‘s coverage of the Oscars and see all the acceptance speeches for major categories that I missed at 4am this morning.  Not to mention the Style and Living sections of the papers from the weekend, try and finish my book, respond to emails, pass some time on Facebook — I am FLAT OUT.  Cleaning, who has the time?   But it’s there, staring me in the face, calling out to me in the form of dust covered surfaces and crunchy noises underfoot in the living room.

I did a quick google of ‘laziness’ on the internet and found this very helpful article on Wikihow; “How to Overcome Laziness”.  It says laziness is often not really true indolence but a kind of paralysis brought on by viewing tasks as insurmountable.  It has some helpful steps to overcome this inertia.  So let’s take a look, shall we, to see if I can overcome my housework paralysis.

“1. Try to figure out the single detail or problem which is holding you back.  Most likely, the sticking issue is smaller than you think it is, and you can get past it more easily than you think. Whatever it is, don’t give up until you find a way to get past it somehow. Remember, it’s probably one single, specific problem or detail.”

Hmmm. No…the problem is pretty much that I don’t want to clean.

“2. Think about the importance of the problem or goal. Is it something you can actually afford to ignore? “

Well, yeah, I could live in filth quite a bit longer.

“Are you being too much of a perfectionist?”

Ermmm..no.

“3. Convince yourself you can do something. Some who feel they might be “lazy” are actually recreating and reliving unpleasant or dreary “freezes” from childhood.”

Good one Dad, see what your Lazy Bones song has done? Damaged me.  For Life.

“4. Decide to start the work, and you are well on your way to completing it.”

Yep for sure. Will decide to do something any time soon now.

“5. Take your time. Break down your job into small steps. Find the way to do them, and do them, in a relaxed and controlled way. “

Take my time? It’s already going to eat into valuable post-Oscars analysis time.

“6. Gear yourself up into action by telling yourself something like: “I want to do this; I want to do this now! So I’ll just do it and rest later”

Trying, trying, trying.  No, I’m pretty sure I don’t want to do this.

“7. Finish a step and cheer up.“

 Ok. Yep, I can do that. Will wipe down a surface as soon as I am finished this.

 “8. Remember to reward yourself for the very small things you complete or try.“

Oo, rewards!  Yes!  I can do that.  Ok, I think a nice glass of verdehlo after each task would be just the kind of reward I need.  So with; wipe surfaces, wipe down kitchen cupboards, unpack dishwasher, pack dishwasher, vacuum floor, mop floor, clean bathroom x 2, change linen.. I should be pretty much wasted by lunch time. Perhaps I should invite some friends over.  I think we’re getting somewhere.

“9. Continue working. It’s hard to get on a roll, so once you’re there, jump right onto your next goal as soon as you’re done rewarding yourself.”

Alrighty! Drunk cleaning could be my new thing!

There’s more, but I’m too drunk lazy to keep going.  I mean, I haven’t broken down the task into small parts and set myself rewards.  Will write action plan from couch now.  If  I can find space between the cookie crumbs and array of toys preventing a clear visual of the couch…

photo credit: kstaki

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