22
Dec
2009
The dad’s role in pregnancy.
a pathetic attempt to appeal to the males
I wrote a whole post about Christmas traditions. Then the Captain told me he was over Christmas. And my traditions. Hmm, thought maybe the rest of the world was too (yes, I am aware that not EVERYONE in the world is reading our blog – more fool them) and I am all about pleasing the readers. One of his friends had some helpful suggestions about how I could improve the male readership of this blog. The key one was introducing sports coverage – specifically, blow by blow accounts of any event where England is playing Australia. Probably not going to happen today, but you’ll know when I start cutting and pasting the BBC sports coverage that things have got dire.
In the meantime – how about some thoughts on the male role in pregnancy? There are any number of books on the topic and hundreds of articles written every year. Most of them focus on loving support. It’s true, loving supportiveness is good, but there are some more specific steps you can take to ensure you remain the father of your unborn child. So here are Kate’s top tips on how you can be the best pregnancy person ever:
- Read the book. Not in too much detail – do NOT become Mr. Birth. Just enough so you can nod along and look supportive when she mentions colostrum.
- Never tell her she is hormonal. Do not agree even when she suggests she may be. Just admit that you were wrong and look suitably cowed.
- Bring flowers at least twice during the pregnancy for no reason. She is going to get hemorrhoids out of this pregnancy gig – lilies are a poor substitute but they’ll make her feel better for a while.
- When she goes on maternity leave, do not suggest she takes over the large list of household chores that have been building up. Her job is to finish growing your child and to obsess over what goes in the hospital bag. And to eat chocolate. It is NOT to finish painting the cupboards or arranging the car park permits.
- Ensure there is food in the cupboard/fridge at all times. Many choices. When a pregnant person has to eat, they have to eat NOW. It’s unlikely she will demand ice-cream and pickles, but it is likely that today she wants pickles and tomorrow she wants chips. Be prepared.
- Know the route to hospital. A cliché, but do it. She cannot be expected to direct AND have body shattering contractions at the same time.
- Do go to as many of the pregnancy appointments as possible. Especially with second and subsequent children. She’ll say she doesn’t mind if you’re not there, but in her heart of hearts, she does.
- Don’t have an opinion on the decorating of the nursery but do spend plenty of time listening to her talk about it.
- Offer her massages. If you are the world’s worst masseuse, offer her appointments to a pregnancy massage specialist.
- Ensure that she goes for at least a walk most days – don’t mention the size of her pregnant bottom, just make sure that she has the time to do it. Especially when you have existing rugrats. The exercise is really important and it’s easy to let it slide.
- If she wants sex, give it to her immediately. If she doesn’t, get the hell away from her.
And there they are. If you do all these things, plus basically anything else she asks for nine months, you’re halfway there.
photo credit: Freedom Moreno
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I can relate to this one: Know the route to hospital
First time: As the father had not been to ANY appointments he had no idea – granted it was in flipping Heidelberg but it was a rather excruciating experience being stuck in driving rain, traffic on Punt Road and Eastern at a standstill, driver barely out of P-plates, having 3 minute contractions, stressing waters would break inside car-for-sale.
Second time: I thought I’d learned my lesson only to have the whole experience repeated in a new city. The only difference was that I’d never been to the flipping hospital either and we had to find our way to somewhere called Auchenflower in peak hour traffic, again having three minute contractions, me trying to read a map while having 3 minute contractions. NOT fun.
Nice work Kate, useful article – Boycie gave you some great pointers and I’m glad you followed through with the above article even if it does lack the sports commentary. However, given the recent England cricket performance I for one am delighted that there is no coverage on this blog.
Have a great new year. Tell the Captain to make a list of how he will improve in ’10.
Dad’s role?
A range of studies have shown that the part of the female brain that controls rational financial behaviour shuts down at the moment of conception.
Without constant and close monitoring by the dad from that point on, the family finances are likely to spiral out of control as Mum starts spending like she’s just landed a banker’s bonus.
Ooee – I know it’s controversial, but perhaps the answer lies in a practice run? Alternatively, there are any number of bad american sitcom episodes you could go to for inspiration about wise cracks you could make during the journey to lighten up the tension.
Craig – I’ll keep you up to date with the sports coverage – could I direct you to http://www.bbc.co.uk in the meantime? You might have better luck over there.
Iain – it has also been clearly shown in studies that women antagonised about spending during pregnancy are likely to stab their husbands. Watch your back – that’s all I’m saying.
Hahahahaha! Love it. All your tips are fantastic and if only… if only the whole world could see them! Im visiting from the Carnival, very pleased to ‘meet’ you!