Some thoughts on the world going mad about children.

I should start this post by saying that I love my children. Even the annoying one. No really, I do.  They are funny and cute and entertaining and relatively well behaved. My life changed when I had them and although I still sometimes mourn the loss of my old life, for the most part my life has changed for the better.  And I suppose they have become my anchor (not in a weighing me down til I drown way, as in a nice kind of centre of my world way – yes, probably a bad analogy in retrospect) but it doesn’t mean that they have taken over my life.

Despite what I thought when I was pregnant with the first one, I didn’t wake up the day after giving birth with a whole new perspective on life. I didn’t fundamentally change my personality or my hopes for the future and much to the disappointment of my husband, I didn’t morph into a selfless type of person who always closes the cupboard doors and puts the lids back on things.  I talk about my children a lot with other mothers and read a lot of material about parenting, which isn’t surprising given how much of my life they now take up, but I still read about restaurants a lot too. And I still read books. And listen to the radio. And watch bad TV. But sometimes I read ‘mummy blogs’ and fear for the world – when on earth did the whole world become completely focused on our children’s every moment?  Says someone who has a blog called onedayyoullthankme – I KNOW, I see the irony here. But if I start writing long posts about my adorable family – kill me. Please. Slowly. Don’t get me wrong, I totally tell these stories but to my husband and to the grandparents, because THEY ARE THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO CARE.

There are some of the most in(s)ane sites in the world out there designed to entertain the wider world with stories about your adorable offspring. Baveo and Totspot – websites to help you set up your blog for your baby. Your baby. Does ANYONE want to know that much about your child apart from you? Lilgrams, which in itself is quite a good idea, an online baby book, but you send newsletters to people from it. Trust me, no-one cares enough to get a newsletter. I promise. Except you – and it would be weird sending a newsletter to yourself. And the oddest of all? Babyspot – which is FACEBOOK FOR BABIES. The world has gone mad. If it’s all getting to you like it gets to me – can I recommend STFU Parents? Completely lacking in political correctness, it focuses on parental updates on Facebook. You will not BELIEVE what people write about their children.

And then there are the activities – having just had my second baby, I have now realised how amusing it was for others hearing about me taking the Bear to Gymboree when he was young. Like 5 months young – before he could walk. Now, I quite enjoyed Gymboree in the end, but if you listen to the brainwashing nice Gymboree people you will come to realise that your child will be hard pressed to learn to walk if they didn’t crawl over tiny little ladders on the floor. And if you don’t swing your child around in a hanging baskety thing? Well good luck getting your child to gain their ‘sense of self’. Look around at all those adults unable to roll. THAT’S BECAUSE THEY DIDN’T GO TO GYMOBOREE. And Gymboree was just the start – there were swimming lessons, art classes, football training, Monkey Music. Could I be any more of a cliché? Most of the time I think these classes were more about giving me something to do, and I guess in this fast paced world, these classes do force parents to slow down and spend some time focusing on their children which is generally a good thing. But seriously – how much focus is too much? How do kids learn to entertain themselves? Probably not through going to the mini music academy around the corner from me which for a measly 25 quid a week will teach your ONE YEAR OLD how to play a mini violin or flute. I want to take the Bear – just to laugh at him trying to play a flute. The kid can’t blow his own nose, bless him.

There was a time when children were seen and not heard. I am not suggesting a return to those days, far from it,  but let’s get some perspective here and give the world back to the bosses. In case you didn’t get the Bear’s latest newsletter as a reminder – that’s us, the adults…

photo credit: Sabarella

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