19
Oct
2009
I was a pregnant chicken
OK so in London they have these ‘Baby on Board’ badges that they will send you in the mail if you are preggers. The idea being you can make it obvious to anyone who is looking that you are in fact up the duff, and have not merely had a couple of hundred extra cheeseburgers. Having spent some significant amount of time studying women’s stomachs while sitting down and trying to work out whether I was about to cause enormous offence – and then feeling humiliated while someone more astute (courageous?) than me jumped up to offer their seat, I always thought it sounded like quite a sensible idea. That is, until mine arrived in the mail. I put it in my handbag and there it remained for the whole nine months.
I caught the tube in peak hour for about 2 hours a day, I fingered that badge in my bag about twenty times in that journey – willing myself to get out of the closet and wear it with pride – but like Nicole Kidman and her sun cream only skin, I just couldn’t come out. At first I thought it was just because it was such an extremely uncool accessory that clashed with whatever carefully chosen and elegant ensemble I had pulled out of my neatly organised and colour coded career woman wardrobe (it’s not hard when most of it is the same colour and the rest needs to be ironed). But I realised one day (as I burned with anger as a yoof with an offensively loud set of speakers in her ears raced me for the last seat) that it is mostly because it seems like such an obvious demand – GIVE ME YOUR SEAT. Which is clearly what I wanted to yell but instead I settled for glaring at the floor and thinking evil thoughts. But on the other hand – I am generally lazy and would like people to give up their seat for me most of the time (not anyone really old, I think 80 might be the cut-off) and to be honest most of the time I thought I was just as capable as standing as most people. Maybe they should have ‘I had a massive night and might vomit’ badges. Or ‘I just got dumped and might collapse in tears’. They probably would have come in more use at times over the years.
Like
I would love to see someone wearing one but really who would?? I’ve started telling all the schoolkids on the bus to stand up and give me their seat, and the bad thing is they all do. Obviously I look scary/grumpy enough for them not to just tell me to bugger off. Also instead of just glaring at people who jump the queue at the bus stop (when we are all patiently lined up) I am now saying loudly ‘this is the queue you know’. Hopefully noone will bash me up!
You are braver (and probably scarier) than I.
Not being pregant now I obviously now live in fear that someone WILL offer me their seat….
well would that be the worst thing that could happen? At least you would have a seat…
Wait till you get to be as old as your mother! Now when people offer me a seat(which sadly occurs more and more often) I am extremely offended but I smile sweetly,decline the seat and stand looking very relaxed, even if it’s for 12 stops and I’m utterly exhausted.Not getting old gracefully obviously!